Airport Love

三三两两。生命动力

2012-02-13T09:32:00.001-08:00

终于，渡过了三十三岁生日🎂。是一个人在办公室度过。但庆幸的是，我还有一些知己在面薄上陪我。Facebook上的祝福远远比不上亲力的面谈。所以，到了傍晚，开始很闷。第三年的独自在工作上度过生日是一见不容易，不愉快的事。但也因为这份一个人的工作，让我的身体获益，人也轻松，清醒许多，不再转牛角尖。2008至今，不论是家庭或朋友间的关系都变亲密了，而那一年难忘的工作伙伴，也渐渐在我脑海消失。可以的话，我还是希望能为那一群战友赴汤蹈火。毕竟，他们像家人。而我却那么辜负了那样的亲人。心里不知流尽多少眼泪。2012 了。已经不哭了。现在的每一天都是在弥补过失，努力把一些生活问题解决，尽我能够做到的扮演好姐姐，妹妹，女儿，职员，朋友，孙女。却似乎少了一份热忱。神的话语提醒了我活着最要不得的态度是的非冷非热- lukewarm。我简直就是活在＂温＂地带。太慵懒，太不珍惜光阴了。然而，世界没有因为我而停滞。天灾人祸继续发生，而我那对这些第三世界事件敏感的心灵天天都希望可以完成现任的职责，赶快投入非盈利工作，为着梦想而活。明天将会又是独自上班的一日，我觉得蛮累了。开心的是已经快抵达自己希望服役的两年以上。对了，这份工作对我而言，真的只是服兵役，交差，拿人钱财，替人消灾。我有付出和努力，甚至超越工作需要范围，但是，还是没有那份以前在小型公司的冲劲了。到了这里，我想慢慢争取自己的理想了。但愿在明年的生日，我已经找到一份属于我的工作，不再是一个人上班过生日！

Missing the stop

2012-01-31T23:31:00.000-08:00

It is Feb 2012 now.
Feb 2007 seemed just yesterday.

Had a very unusual interesting meeting today with someone from the philanthropic world.
Unusual because he is one of those people whom you meet once in a while and feel connected to, at least in terms of world views and subject interests, and mission in life.

something like how Harry Potter found his 2 best friends in life, and vocation.

O-verly excited.

Then, it reminds me of how this is yet another one of those train stops missed in the earlier 20s.

Whether it is too late, or I did miss many stops, I do not worry as much, for

I have committed to live 2012 with my father in heaven- it is almost too naive to say GOD is enough, for us who are disciples, and as a truth confession, there can be moments when GOD is not enough to keep me company during lonely moments at work, and weekends, especially.

But, feelings will fade, the skin on our bodies wear and tear and one of these days, I will no longer feel it matters if I had X number of confidantes or Y number of ka-kis for movies, lunches etc.

What matters is getting to heaven at the right pace and right heart.

And 2012 is going to be just focusing on getting the heart right again; that is, to love God, and my neighbours and be grateful and let God decide what happiness is, and not external possessions or phases of life.

So, if you think you have found the right station to alight at, just get off the train!
otherwise, even if you have got down at the wrong place, simply sit with patience for the next train to take you to the direction you intended to go to.

the next station will be St Kilda's- Melbourne 2011

4 years waiting at the airport

2011-11-12T09:19:00.000-08:00

maybe it is November, am still waiting at the airport somedays, but not expecting to achieve my goal-

whhhhat? :) Let it be;)

but this songs sings out every emotion of the aquarian in me; I always wonder why they don't teach love in school?!

by the time I figure out (always a decade later in fashion, music, movies....), am too late:)!

日後　儘量別教今天的淚白流

留低　擊傷你的石頭

從錯誤裡吸收　也許

豐收　月份尚未到你也得接受

或者要到你將愛釀成醇酒

時機先至熟透

應該怎麼愛　可惜書裡從沒記載

終於摸出來　但歲月卻不回來　不回來

錯過了春天　可會再花開

一千種戀愛　一些需要情淚灌溉

枯毀的溫柔　在最後會長回來

:) :) :) :)

Living on BEYOND Ka Kui's spirit 4/30- 情人

2011-09-07T05:30:00.000-07:00

I wonder how have all my married friends been recently?

once or twice a week, I would come to the Terminal 3, gate 8 to have my intimate time with God; the dates started from 2007 after I left the media school feeling the world has come to almost a halt; it feels stupid to confess my feelings for the company and people there so much that I chose running away as an excuse, and spending my money unwisely in order to 'run'; losing these friends made my world dead until God always come back to remind me that life is still beautiful, and that I have a mission to fulfill; and my current role is to be a down to earth worker, stay practical until the time is right to leap for my dreams; the time will come again, and maybe I will meet Sen, Justin and Joanne Chow here at the airport again?

I wonder where do all the marrieds go to during weekends and where do all the single folks go to during weekends?

One most common fact as all the singles felt I believe; we are just not that very much in the married friends' lives as before, not by choice, but as a matter of nature's forces.

That's life.

**********************************************************

In a recent local undergraduate dialogue forum, MMLee made a very interesting and provoking comment to a 27-year-old PhD female student who questioned him on national issues etc; instead of going about his answers on the politically right ways, MMLee asked her to go find her boyfriend and forget about her PhD, for the former is more important than the latter.

Of course, his last wishes for her was that 2 years on, she will find her man and complete her PhD.

************************************************************

boy friend, partner, husband, spouse or lover as you call them-
is a real big ? in my life.

What purpose do they serve in our lives, I often wonder; for I have led my life single-ly for the last 21 years (first 10 years relying on parents).

I started doing housework at age of 11 anyway, and gradually, most decision making on the daily affairs of school, friends, life, health had to be taken care of by myself.
I could have asked for help; and that was one option I completely ignored, left out in a family where my parents worked on irregular hours as hawkers, cafe owners, airport worker etc-

So, what is this LOVER about? What role can he play? And why and how do most of my girlfriends find and keep one? Some described it as the someone whom will 'make your heart beat unsually fast, and make you happier than chocolates'---

I keep pondering....

(and recent 2 years I found the answer: LOVER can = Companionship = Pet? LOL)

**********************************************************

strangely, back in 2007, I think I felt these 'heart beat and unknown bliss' moods strongly....and it lingers on until 2008, 2009, 2010 and the earlier part of 2011....

so maybe it was a glimpse of 'the lover' then.

I told this rather good friend I liked him, and that was the last I ever heard from him-

Many nights, I still remember this particular guy friend's words of encouragement and teachings; for, I will never be in my current job if not of his guidance that lingered on too; he was a marketing guru, and it was the first kind of job which I was able to brainstorm ideas freely with a co-worker, a supervisor, a mentor.
(this gratitude towards him has been noted in my blog, diaries, cards since 2008, for more than 100 articles but I believe it is going to continue; for, I do just really still feel very grateful for his friendship and guidance at work, because I am still using the marketing tactics he taught in my current job!)

in many ways, I ended up at the changi airport since my role at his company came to a completion; an abrupt one I admit, much to my own in-decisiveness/uncertainty/ambition to grow, and go faster....

and it is only at the airport where I cried more than 1 litres (it started from 2008, daily, to weekly, occasionally, then continuing until 2010, and those were the times I felt ashamed, uneasy, stupid to share how I truly felt- I cried so much, because I lost 3 family-like friends, that pure feeling of pain...) of tears, and then picked myself up after having gone through such an unexpected journey of ' losing a few very important friends, and a lost career/dream direction'....

and tonight is 7th Sep 2011, STILL, at Terminal 3 (worked here today); I regained my love chirping away at the airport, even though it was filled with the saddest moments of my life here, yet it is also here where the most uplifting memories with God happened here-

God seems to hear me all the time whenever I open my heart to confess my thoughts, sins and hurts to him; and He always make things work out after each prayer, though not immediately. Most of the times, He made me wait for a few weeks, months before something happens, but He is just so patient with me.

HE is my best LOVER then, now and forever (it was a head knowledge, but after going through some waves in life, His presence became nearer)

with His love, I believe I have overcome the sad feeling of losing this friend; and I still come to the airport to pray for this friend and his little media school.

In fact I had a dream last night; I dreamt that I was much older and was introducing a young fresh graduate to go work for this company and give her best heart.

for she is worth it.

:):):):)

是缘是情是童真还是意外

有泪有罪有付出还有忍耐

是人是墙是寒冬藏在眼内

有日有夜有幻想无法等待

盼望我别去后

会共你在远方相聚

每一天望海每一天相对

盼望你现已没有

让我别去的恐惧

我即使离开你的天空里

多少春秋风雨改

多少崎岖不变爱

多少唏嘘的你在人海

Living on BEYOND Ka Kui's spirit 3/30- 光辉岁月

2011-08-06T01:41:00.000-07:00

钟声响起归家的讯号

在他生命里仿佛带点唏嘘

黑色剪给他的意义

是一生奉献肤色斗争中

年月把拥有变做失去

疲倦的双眼带着期望

今天只有残留的驱壳

迎接光辉岁月

风雨中抱紧自由

一生经过傍徨的挣扎

自信可改变未来

问谁又能做到

Music, speaks out the love language for our earth, people and the seas.

One more song, to sing during my future fundraisers! You shall turn up again and support right?
:)

Terminal 2 Post Office: 誰願放手

2011-08-06T01:07:00.000-07:00

almost like eating and sleeping; sending tea and Jia You cards to 2 ex bosses has now become an integral part of every trip overseas
(have finally sent out the tea pack and coffee from Australia, with a BEYOND CD to them....I never know if they receive it, for we did not keep in touch anymore; with no phone text contact, no emails, no MSN, no skype, nothing)

Just my cards, and yearly birthday cards and books to encourage them.

***************************************************

I recall the first time sending cards, 'stuff' to them the first time after leaving the school in Nov 2007.

It was at the changi airport post office at Terminal 2.

This continues for 2008, 2009, 2010 and the shop next to the Post Office branch in T2 has closed, re-opened, taken over by another brand and yet another, and closed down and re-opened....
I am glad this Post Office branch at T2 will never close down (hmm, politically, SingPost is like another of our SING products, so it will last eternal-)

every year, I will encourage myself that there will be a time to let go of this old comradeship that used to encourage me so much every day for 2007. As much as I would like to replace it with other friendships or team-ships or comradeships; or even family kinships,

the feel is simply different

no one talks to me on passion, focus, drive or perserverance in dreams, or overcoming obstacles in their dreams anymore

everyone around me seems to live without a dream and even for those with one, they hardly talk about it; everyone seems happy with the conservative progress of life; a house, new family, a wife/a husband, a new car, a new holiday, a new job, a pay rise, another baby, a promotion....

and so on.

I admire my friends who live life contented with the above; but I can't dismiss from memory

I can't let go of my dreams
and that of 2 old friends

discovered that their school undergone some major changes and CGO stopped for this year, as a recharged year, but am happy to still see the article I wrote for one of the company's event in early 07 still live on the website of the private limited

May I pray for these 2 friends and brothers who dreamt along with me
like I wrote to them recently; we're still fighting on the same platform, just in a different location

I miss you, brothers
and when will I be able to see you again?

Living on BEYOND Ka Kui's spirit 2/30- 遥远的Paradise

2011-07-31T09:56:00.000-07:00

It is 31st July crossing on to 1 August of 2011.

I was in Melbourne again for work from 12th to 25th July and how lovely those 2 weeks were-
Blue skies, vast ocean, tasty coffee, brilliant atmosphere and chilling winter

the beginning of the Great Ocean Road; it was nothingness staring into the sea, and it was here I strongly remembered 2 brothers lost in touch...

killing cold at the Twelve Apostles- who will I come here with again?

St Paul's Cathedral where I cried a few times as I prayed in tranquil- it was the exact spot I sat in 07 then, praying for my family (bro and wife), and returned again in 2010 and 2011 praying for some old and new people in my life
It is here I hear God all the time;)

and in the midst of these, I thought of my ex colleagues (after forgetting them for a while) on the flight home

and this song best describes my feelings now, towards the last quarter of 2011.

(I had an accident fall on 2 steps on thursday evening and was worried to have broken my back. On the way home on my own after the fall, in that instant of pain, I wonder how comforting it could be if my ex colleagues could be around for me to contact for help....)

Friends akin family
family members of a common dream perhaps

I found out that we're fighting on the same platform still, just that we're all at different directions

how strange
how sweet at times

and how painful it can still be, knowing that beautiful friendships can only be kept as memories but the spirit of brotherhood lives on

like the one Ka Kui has with his 3 other brothers in BEYOND

they miss Ka Kui a lot, especially Ka Keung, for they are really real brothers of the blood and spirit

May BEYOND spirit continues to bring me out of the tough days in life

thank you, brother(s)

Living on BEYOND Ka Kui's spirit 1/30- 不再猶豫 No more hesitation

2011-07-05T09:27:00.000-07:00

无聊望见了犹豫

达到理想不太易

即使有心斗志却抑止

谁人定我去或留

定我心中的宇宙

只想靠两手向理想挥手

问句天几高

心中志比天更高

自信打不死的心态活到老

oh......

我有我心底故事

亲手写上每段得失

乐于悲与梦儿

oh......

纵有创伤不退避

梦想有日达成

找到心底梦想的世界

终可见

谁人没试过犹豫

达到理想不太易

即使有心斗志却抑止

谁人定我去或留

定我心中的宇宙

只想靠两手向理想挥手

问句天几高

心中志比天更高

自信打不死的心态活到老

oh......

我有我心底故事

亲手写上每段得失

乐于悲与梦儿

oh......

It is July now.

and I am still feeding on Ka Kui and BEYOND's spirit.

and the amazing thing is the more as I listen to BEYOND's older songs, the more I fall in love with 'loud' music;

gosh.

Rock & Roll was my most hated music genre before (noisy....)

in Ka Kui's lyrics, I find comfort and strength to get up from my falls, and focus on the positive stuff; and coupled with my direction from Jesus, I am more than ever-ready to face the 3rd world, huh?
yes, 3rd world.

You heard I sacrificed much (job opportunities and money), fell bruised-ly, and missed out on some friendships, and family times in my search to work for an organisation that advocates, and runs programs for 3rd world children, women since God knew when (1997, I suspect; when Princess Diana died)

Compassionate and loving might not best describe my character, yet sensitivity to the people around me makes it hard for me not to notice who is in need of help; there is so much to do, for this world

why am I so keen in carrying a burden for the world as if I am some super talent like Bill Gates.

But no, I am not. I am barely anyone, in the financial concrete jungle in Raffles Place where I work; and noone really cares about what I do these days.

so?

God knows.
Ka Kui knows.

We both pen this as 'Ideals'.

(and we both fell into 走火入魔境界）. His belief in himself has given me the new fire for me, to once again take pride in being stubborn, and

Non-chalent (my ex boss, Sen, spoke of me as such a person in, 2007)

and in his song here, he encouraged me to not hesitate to continue to make my dreams come true, and my dream is very very specific; to work, for Medecins Sans Frontieres

in the indirect work area, preferably in Fund raising.

(simple ideal, yet has cost me more than 5 years of trying, some money, aplenty tears, prayers, forgetting how there are other people I need to reach out to....)

Will continue to wait and fight for the chance, in patience:)

(however, I really need to learn to love the people in my life more; did I not? did I? how well do you think I did?

Tell me, please.......:)

I pray for a dear friend Louis and his wife-to-be tonight; wish them a blissful wedding with a perfect weather on saturday.

My first wedding invite for the last 3 years:)

Remembering BEYOND 黄家驹 4/4: 再见理想

2011-07-04T11:08:00.000-07:00

今天约了好几年没有联络的朋友（前上司- 2005年）吃晚饭。
感觉仿佛十年没见。

我们彼此都经历了生活上的磨练，也各自有幸福（也有不顺心）的事情发生在自己的世界里。

人生，是需要磨练的，不埋怨。

我，埋怨过，也犯过一些连朋友，家人也不意识我会犯的错。这些错事与领悟渐渐成为我生命力历史性的一段岁月。。。
人往往就是在情感，理想脆弱时候犯错，我，也不例外。

（2008年，我远赴香港接下一份不适合那时心灵状态的非营利工作。。。一心，只是想逃。
逃离家里的不宁，不安（二十年来，都安定，父母的频频争吵，让我发誓要争取出国工作机会，帮助第三世界的孩童。。。）
当时，也正因为一段友情的消失而变得十分彷徨；梦想也被弄乱了

（到底我要做一个安分的OL还是放下之前的不愉快继续追寻原来的梦想？）

没有那些梦想队友，生命几乎瘫痪了。。。

所以，选择了逃。

也借此乱花了一笔 ‘逃往费' -

********************************************************

错误的选择，是有代价的。

而我的错误选择也为我精神上，金钱上与人际关系之间带来了这2，3年的一些不安。
然而，让我成长与前进的动力来自主；是他让我再一次站起来。

Tonight, I feel a mixture of small upset, oh my mom...I wish she would know what truly happened. Then again, I am proud to have stand up from my mistakes, and slowly repay some 'debts' (be it financially, or relational).

I owe some love, to many people, including my family, friends, and the people waiting for me to reach out to.

Listening again to BEYOND's older songs, and this sums up my journey re-knowing this awesome chinese rock band again.

Tonight, this song speaks of Ka Kui and his unsuccessful venture in his band's album sales in 1987-88; he must had felt really down at that time, yet what is admirable is his burning spirit to believe that his dreams (of creating a breakthrough in rock music in/and beyond the Hong Kong music industry, and becoming a known international band) Will come true.

His dream came true in 1989, when my sister was born.

and his dream is still in the process of fine-tuning, and making others' dreams come true; he probably did not know that his initial discouragements, penned down into songs like this one have in turn become a solild inspiration for many of us dreamers today.

Today is 2011.

I stop missing my old self.
I stop blaming myself for some mistakes; and I am fortunate to not have regrets.

I thank God, and Ka Kui,

and certainly my mom.

(Sorry mom, but I know you understand, thank you:)

Remembering BEYOND 黄家驹 3/4 - Amani (not the brand oh)

2011-07-02T09:19:00.000-07:00

还是怀念黄家驹-
他的歌曲，不仅是娱乐，也是激励许多 ‘发梦人’的斗志。

我，也是其中一位。

this song is not one of BEYOND's mainstream rock songs, but included in their 91 Kenya(Africa) trip. They purposely went to Africa to do a meaningful community service music trip; to spread their love and help in little ways they can. And Ka Kui wrote a few songs dedicated to world issues like poverty, injustice, oppression aspiring to create social awareness, and instigate call to action from his fans and the public.

Unknowingly, he became a 'social art-erpreneur' in 1991!

How can God take away such a big hearted and passionate person when he was only 31?

perhaps many of his fans are still pondering over this question; and I do think about it a few days ago (his 18th Death Anniversary) and amazingly, his death question has become one of the new courage that I most needed at this phase in life!

(he died young, but it does not mean God deliberately took him away; after going through more phases in life especially in these few years, it is hard for me NOT to believe that God has his own plans, and we must always entrust our plans in HIS:)

it was so easy for me to say as a 20-something, yet I never meant it from my heart-!

knowing that I have a God who plans our paths (entrances, exits) makes me feel so much more calm, and bliss.

for I stop fearing now, because He lives.

(I pray for the rest of BEYOND to receive Christ one day; I believe Athena Chu will guide Paul Wong, her boy friend along:)

even as a grown up fan of BEYOND, I believe I can pray for them-

*:)

May you bless us from Heaven, Ka Kui, and thank you, for inspiring me one more time:)

Remembering BEYOND 黄家驹 2/4 -

2011-06-30T09:32:00.000-07:00

今天正是黄家驹逝世18周年- 1993年，6约30日，他离开了香港乐坛与这个世界。

it has been a week of remembering Ka Kui; he passed away at 31- and I am already 32.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today, I was at the IDP office training new counsellors; and my first meal was at 11am, and by the time I finished the session, I was cold, and extreme-lllllly hungry.

Faint didn't come to my head, but I could sense irritability and fatigue, and I am reminded once again of the importance of 'Keeping ourselves alive, no matter what'

活着，最重要。

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

With a grateful heart (that somehow God preserved my life, after it went through some stale stages, physically- ), I decide from today, once again that I'm gonna be like Ka Keung (Ka Kui's younger brother), to be strong, despite the loss of comrad-ee family member;

for Ka Keung, it is Ka Kui
for me, it is the group of people including her who was in my life for 10 years; and 2 brothers who were in mine for 1 year

It is exceptionally refreshing to watch Ka Keung take over the lead-singer's position after his brother passed away (it was as if he was forced to grow up!).
I feel the same emotions of Ka Keung, for I too was 'forced' to grow up after venturing from small companies (of less than 5 staff in a team) to big companies of 100 staff, to where I am now (where this organisation I work in has 2000 over staff!)

and forced to stop hiding behind comfortable people, whom we could mix passion, work and even jokes together.

And watching his performance in 1996 (where he cried), and in 2003 (where he sang with pride and a sense of 'Bro, I miss you, but we've fought on, and sustain rock and roll in BEYOND'),

my own heart felt 100% healed.

No more tears! No more sadness, just little prayers for the people I miss once a week or so.

For I know the best thing to do in life, after 3 years 8 months (of 'pre occupation' with grief over losing some best friends, and not managing to reunite with them or be known in their lives again), is to live an abundant life pursuing my own dreams. The part about meeting people to joke and talk passion again remains hopeful; for BEYOND has also gone on to form new collaborations with younger bands:)

in many ways, my healing would not have been completed without BEYOND- (well, credit is to the Divine Healer up there:)

May you rest in peace and keeping blessing your brothers in the team.
Thank you, Ka Kui.

海闊天空 live 1996

海闊天空 live 2003

Remembering BEYOND 黄家驹 1/4 - 多少次迎着冷眼与嘲笑从没有放弃过心中的理想

2011-06-27T09:15:00.000-07:00

六月三十日是黄家驹逝世十八周年

was listening to RTHK (Hong Kong radio's program on 2 sundays ago, and heard an old song by the once popular BEYOND band; the song was called

No regrets (无悔这一生）

BEYOND's songs were never quite that mainstream (and I wasn't a rock and rock girl), but a few were common to those of us growing up in the 90s (when we were in Secondary/High School). I remembered very clearly how

大地，海阔天空，光辉岁月 jammed up the play queue in our local pop chinese radio station FM933.

I never quite understood the death of Wong Ka Kui then, in 1993 (I was in TKGS, Sec 2, still too green to feel a lot).

However, I remember feeling a sense of 'pity' when I heard the news of his fall and subsequent death in a gameshow in Japan.

As I was young and penniless, getting access to media news was also very dependent on our local TV station (well, we watched, whatever was played on Channel 8, SBC then, didn't you too?)
and I didn't get to hear much of what went on in BEYOND's band life after that.

- I just wasn't that big of a BEYOND fan-

But deep inside my heart, whenever I am to make a big decision in my work especially (choices), I think of this song and her lyrics- 海阔天空

今天我寒夜里看雪飘过怀着冷却了的心窝瓢远方
风雨里追赶雾里分不清影踪天空海阔你与我可会变（谁明白我）

多少次迎着冷眼与嘲笑从没有放弃过心中的理想
一刹那恍惚若有所失感觉不知不觉以变淡心里梦

原谅我这一生不羁放纵爱自由也会怕一天会跌倒
背弃了理想谁人都可以也会怕有一天只你共我

'多少次迎着冷眼与嘲笑从没有放弃过心中的理想 '
this verse stuck to my head and heart from teen, to current, for it sang out the frustrations any dreamer would have faced pursuing his ideals.

and everytime I hymm this song, I think of a group of ex-colleagues whom shared this similar frustration (hurdles in pursuing a dream) with me; we had different dreams and ultimate destinations on earth, but it was this common shared understanding of a frustration 3 of us felt in our dreams pursuit that made us once really buddies, almost just a step away from being family-

they never hesitated to call me sister, and I felt a first new found warmth unfelt for almost a decade in a strange family setting (we're together, but our common understanding is so little)

BEYOND came back into my life as a special memory; and strength- I have been working alone in this one-man show job for a year now, and it was not the most encouraging or fulfilling to date, the least in fact, yet I gained some rare good things including my health and overall happiness with family relations:)

re-watching all the BEYOND clips I could find these 2 weeks made me realise my hunger for companionship in a team; and understood my down emotions last 36+ months on being 'solo'-

I cried a lot a lot during those months, and did many silly things to find back the lost comradeship 'feel' only to realise what's lost is lost, and the only thing I can do is to move ahead, with pride and strength, based on the love from my Father in Heaven, and also from the encouragements of this past comradeship I gained so much from-

and.................BEYOND's music and Ka Kui's spirit has helped me move out entirely of my 'grief'!

It has been more than 3 months since I cried when I thought of that special group of friends at work:)

I still miss those friends, and believe that one day our friendship can be resurrected the same way BEYOND's Paul and Steve did (they quarreled and did not keep in contact for a few years, and last year, they did a performance on stage together in Kuching:)

Friends lost, can be found again, if we use our heart, soul, mind and strength to keep on working on the positivity of dreams, and life, remembering their teachings and inspirations

I feel free these 2 weeks truly, never before after the incident 08-09-10, and I thank Ka Kui for his inspirational songs

I miss Wong Ka Kui tonight, and pray that I can also continue to listen to his music in Heaven; I believe he's in heaven right now:)

Your spirit lives.

从没有放弃过心中的理想; 是你，让我又有勇气去追求我最初的梦想
谢谢你

黄家驹

光辉岁月- 有BEYOND的歌伴我這輩子不寂寞

2011-06-16T03:54:00.000-07:00

Today is a thursday; in the past 9 months or so since started in this work-alone job, I try to spread my work across the storey 58th office, and main departure floors at the airport.

(vividly, I recall back in 2008 when I sat here on my own, typing a job proposal, and here I am in 2011, still typing work proposals here- the main difference is age-

Age has taken away some of my joy these 3 years plus, but the flame in me still keeps trying- for I still believe in DC Comic Heroes and their transformation stories to change the world

the world must be waiting for me to save; I often thought during late nights

Not sure if it is a curse or an issue un-resolved; I feel extremely lonely every month during this time (15th to 25th)- it happens to be the chinese lunar calendar of the 15th moon- haha (means full moon)

maybe because my moon is never full because of missing people hence the deep loneliness?

Perhaps I feel so lonely because of the missed company of a few buddies from a previous job; somewhat like the Transformers' team- we would be there to encourage each other when one is down or hurt.

This is the missing team spirit I have been craving for, as if like an opium drug addict, vigorously for as long as the last 3.5 years (from Dec 2007).

Allow me to describe the feeling of loneliness as an opium addict; my tears would come gushing out, without control, and mucus lined in the queue of waters/tears, while the heart pounds beatedly for an endless momentum of 'bored, lonely, I desire to serve colleagues, I wanna help others, i just wanna be a fundraiser in something like MSF, i never wanna earn much money, i'm so obedient in my school life, i'm so considerate for others, i never expect people to serve me, i expect to help people all my life BUT where did all the people in my life go to?'

SILENCE..........................................................................................

This week has been a focus on BEYOND songs; somehow, I find much comfort in knowing that even though the lead singer of BEYOND died in 1993 due to an accident during a TV programme in Japan (oh Japan, how many lives have you taken away?), there are many many souls being impacted then, to now, after listening to BEYOND's older songs.

As I you-tubed my lonely nights away, part of my heart remains fiery, for I too, am one of those souls being deeply encouraged by BEYOND Ka Kui's spirit, his world views and inner thoughts of life, friendships, love, family and dreams reflect just what I am feeling alone deep inside;

I know I'm not alone

for the Messiah is with me:)

A sharing by a taiwan fan:
'我住台灣 1981生小學時後跟媽媽要錢買唱片媽媽問你要買小虎隊還是郭富城的啊

我說我要買BEYOND的媽媽說沒聽過不要浪費錢了最後還是靠我存零用錢買到的
聽BEYOND的歌總有種勵志看到希望的感覺為人也變正直家駒不是香港的榮耀
而是華人的榮耀有BEYOND的歌伴我這輩子不寂寞'

有BEYOND的歌伴我這輩子不寂寞

Attending roadshows is still my core tasks Secret of my heart

2011-03-11T07:18:00.000-08:00

Japan earthquake 8.8...prayers out

it was a peaceful work day; and something stirs in my heart strongly again-

MSF Hong Kong is hiring a fundraising professional, and I feel so eager to apply, again)Who cares about past rejections?:) I believe that with time, with experience, I qualify again.

This is so true for job applications, but how about matters of the heart?

I don't know if it is possible to 'reapply' again if you faced rejections in a friendship...

My heart feels strangely squeezed everytime I read of news of a friend who took me in, worked with me, and guided me daily before.
In plain descriptive language, my heart feels sad that my promise to help him in the best way I could, to lighten his load has become an empty promise-

for it was such a joy to help someone whom I believed in

and it was meaningful too.

Read that he is still doing road shows, and presentations, and I wish I could do all these for him so he could do other stuff

the irony is; I am now equipped to handle road shows and presentations singlehandedly, confidently, but no longer for the company I so admired

and still admiring

Secrets of my heart; shall always remain in my heart as time passes

it's another friday night, and tonight

-I miss only 1 bro-
all the best for this weekend's fair and presentation!

真心對話——鄭秀文 Sammi Part 2

2010-10-22T02:18:00.000-07:00

Sammi's sharing on her 15++ years in the singing industry-
She found a new side of her in the renewed Faith- Humility saved her:)

Grieved week - Hong Kong

2010-08-28T09:12:00.000-07:00

this is a jigsaw sister and I made for Sen's wedding in Dec 2007- i always feel that i am the boy in yellow who is distracted and left the team/table

praying alone has been really lonely, and i believe and hope i can pray with the team again

and fight through work and life problems with a team

the tastes of
sour. bitter. spicy. salty - sweet
were tasted in this past week

or most in these last 3 years

Last week was a grieving week- Aug 2010
In a health condition that wasn't my best, I persevered through for the 3 work related events last week. What feared me was my inability to control my mucus at times, thus affecting speech.

Thank God for giving me extra energy to speak to at least 100 students for the IDP fair over the weekend.

Not sure what this means, but in the midst of being in a new job, a new environment, working with new people, I actually spent solo times especially at night or jogs thinking about the disturbing news, and feeling sad over them.

Unable to control my feelings of deep sadness over this, I recalled grabbing my bible to read as I went for a night prayer jog end of last week.

(Literally, I went out of the house just to cry for the victims and their families- everytime someone innocent dies, a part of me dies and no wonder I am having heart aches and chest tight problems!)

Why did God allow the killing of the 9 Hong Kongers in the Manila incident?

Nope, I do not see it as why did God not stop it, but I see it as
'There must be more than this provincial life I am living here, in Bedok North Ave 2, Blk 410, being Teri or Hwee Kheng'

It's been about 15 years since I last took up this 'burden' for myself- seriously, I am almost 99.9% certain that my life purpose is to

save the world (much definition to work on...)

in the best ways that I can, and that the fact that I am born and educated in Singapore means God has given me the talent and opportunities to be someone greater than just 'getting by'.

Yet I also find myself discouraged about the life issues (health, work situations, relationships, finances) and wonder the same as what you feel too:
I need to care for myself before caring for others, and why should I care about helping others?

This, has brought me to reflect on how I ended up here and the sacrifices made in going after these intangible things in life-

Love, Justice, Fight, Passion, Share

24 August will be a day for all Hong Kongers will remember.
and 31 Oct will also be a day I will always remember-

it was the day I failed to say goodbye and give my best wishes to the 2 most important men (apart from my family) in my life.

Psalm 71: 20- 21 is for everyone around me this week

20 You have allowed me to suffer much hardship, but you will restore me to life again and lift me up from the depths of the earth.
21 You will restore me to even greater honor and comfort me once again.

Did you know I've really enjoyed the days of being lost and lonely and sick and discouraged these few years?- hahahaha

For I believe that God allowed certain experiences, to make us a better persons

and closer to Him-

I miss you, brothers, and I wish you well:)

你。我。他 You.Me.Him Part 2 - 值得

2010-08-23T09:23:00.000-07:00

(Worth It- Sammi Cheng, is a sister in christ:)

23 August 2010(one of the reasons I decided to update my personal phone contacts selectively is to keep those who really keep in touch-)

Not sure about you, I do keep every number of any Tom Dick or Harry whom I met in life, in various work places, in school-

and of these 100 to 200 contacts, I only manage to truly be in the lives of 10- these are the few people whom I hope we will grow old together-

(死党- Pei, Trevor, Joanne, Liting, Shirleen, Weilin, James, Alice, Parames, Siew Khim, Sheiwah, Jon, Philippa, Slyvia)

Special ones like Liqin, Ziyun, Geraldine (that includes the TK Guides batch mates)

Campus times friends are more special as always

*Oh my, as I type, this list becomes longer-I should be really grateful than most people, because- I have more than 10 people to seek a ear in when I feel blue, or when I need a 2nd opinion

not a huge list, and there are a few names I wish I could include too-
(him. he. her-:)

and of course my lover-ly cousins-

and because of God, fate, and well, wrong timing job choices, I got to know a few more closer hearts, friends; of whom I can be myself with-

Lawrence, Nicole, Theresa, Jia Yi, Ho Suling, Wei Liang, Adrian, Edwin.....

So, may I thank the rest of you here for being part of my life these last 1 to 10 years?
A
Allen- a guy whom had to report to me, of whom I had so much stress over....but when work was over, we're still friends-

I believe that he will also get to know God one day; )

B

Boss Jen- back from exodus, Hong Kong- ? She took me in, she is one of the few people who saw beyond what I looked like- she saw the fire in my dimmed heart-

C

Carol Sim- she was my discipler in church, we were part of a same bible talk group- I never forget her steadfastness in her faith- the best things to do with Carol, is to pray with her

Celine- best moments, with this plain hearted yet sophisticated looking girl is her singing prayers

Charles Tan- a dedicated guy who quit his full time work to run Volunteer Resource Network; someone whom I met once in 2006, and then recently again-

we're still friends, despite not meeting for a few years:)
we 'love' N C S S- haha

Charlie- thank him for the help during my first months in the training centre then; dedicated spirit at work- hardworking

so happy he found God somehow too

Chen Nee- the last was her hug- her hug on my last day in LASALLE-
I hope her friend has gotten well; she's in my thoughts sometimes
D
Dawei- a Pri sch friend whom we met once every few years, at the MRT station...rather fateful
E
Elissa- always seen her as a junior, yet a da ka jie at her job-

F, G, H, I, J,
K,
(one name got stuck at K...I'm not sure...)
Kim- an ex boss, I admired, I love her, to some extent; for I really like working with her
short, but fruitful- the yellow little book she gave me....she inspires me for the love she has for arts

L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z...

the list is actually long!
people who have come into my life, for a while, who have impacted me in very specific ways, of which I take heart of- even as I move on

I remember

especially

K and J lists

This ends the Address Book of 9856 0597
9856 0597 is going into archive
it will be resurrected when this journey is over

I hope it will be soon.

I love the messages inside 9856 0597 but most of them have been deleted- accidentally, and I was sleepless for a while

but the impact remains
Will you keep me inside H list?
I guess, I'll keep finding opportunities along the way, to help different friends in different ways, big or small, once you're a friend, I'll see to it my job to lend a hand when you call me-

the years where colleagues called me Hwee Kheng are the best

Good bye, some of you-

Let God lead the rest of our paths; if we do not meet again, I do wish to tell you that you've been a beautiful part of my life-

New Website powered by same energy call Passion

2010-08-13T09:12:00.000-07:00

-thank God for a peaceful nite-

The sinus is under more control now- after a week of Actified pills.

and Nasal Spray.

All ready, packed to return to KL for an education roadshow tomorrow.

(the first education fair I attended in KL, Msia was representing 3dsense Media School back in 2007- that was March- every inch of detail begin to surface in my mind-

or rather, it has never quite left my heart:)

Hey, it's not about 'living in e past', because, as I sit down to reflect about the highs and lows of this week, images of my work history started to flow like a broken tap where water simply gushes out, naturally, and what does all this mean?

It simply meant; 饮水思源

(or rather work experiences, encounters chalked up more than half of my brain memory)

Every path that fate, and God has led me to (well, some choices were ME led, so I learnt, about consequences by being the driver of the life steering wheel- handed it back to God) after leaving this little school (it's NO longer Little!- ) where I am today

I attribute it to 3dsense.

Because of her, I learnt more things than I ever would, in short 3 years. I always thought I learn things fast; ex-bosses said so, then again, there are some things I am still learning and sure many to learn.

and the learning from 3dsense continues, way even after I no longer am in touch with anyone from the school.

I learnt that;

some people once touched your life, will always remain in your heart

Always inspired by Sen who founded 3dsense, a browse through the new website earlier made my heart jump once more- it's so Sen-flavored-

the tone of green he chose

the topography

the interface

the overall design

yes design; Sen is a designer; a webmaster, a teacher, simply someone who is passionate to bring life to the CG industry in Singapore

Luck, has been with him too

just one look at the wordings/text of the website, you could see how some Justin-flavored some writings are

but some sentence structures has a new feel; which is great- meaning he found someone to help him write- was what he hope for the earlier years-

interestingly, we all share the same alma mater

we never met in NTU

and our encounter was only 1 year-365 days-

and it's teh 3rd year soon, that I'm feeling a deep void of friendships gone, and never replaced-

Honestly, it's not my fault- i let new people into my life; but none is as passionate as this community of dreamers

fighters

Fighting is what Sen taught me- it is still my regret I never helped him much, and I meant it to help him fight his dreams battle-

his battle was not an easy one; he fought, he bled, he married too! (happy to always see his wife- )

and I am not too sure if I'll have a chance to meet them again, or be part of their lives once more

A personal low week, yet encouraged by how much this company has grown gave me a glimpse of Hope

Hope that whatever I first believed in, passionate about would come true, in time

(Setting up a school in 3rd world, was what I shared with Sen- he wrote me something of his own experiences in setting up 3dsense, which I took to heart- he shared much of toughness, and lots of hardwork and sacrifices, something akin to what Jesus went thru' in terms of being 'out cast', 'misunderstood', un-understood and so on- )

Perhaps you find my dreams confused; what where exactly am I heading for?

Why did I remain steadfast and interested in the education industry and yet passionate still about hoping to join the NGO sector?

Age, Practicality, and lack of Right opportunities or ???

(I wish, someone would tell me what to do with dreams- whose dreams? mine? yours? GOD!)

I had a glimpse of opportunity to work in Hong Kong 2 years ago, but I gave that up eventually- counting costs, or rather, no need to repeat it to great length, it was probably the worst decision I have ever made in my life

was leaving 3dsense a lousy decision?

(I can't help but think about what the WDA people at a recent meeting said.....they implied to me that I made a rash decision, impatient, that I was overly ambitious-

I took every job interview session as a learning point- we could walk away feeling 2 sides of thoughts- i cried a bit after that, but moved on, because of Q

Ah Q. The Q in me never really died

(though I might have seemed so much weaker emotionally- nah, it happens to everyone la)

Q helped me to get over that regret and see it as an important route to character growth, and skills development-

which it happened-

3 years- and fate threw me into roles I never thought I could do, not that I think I did exceptionally well, but at least I felt I made an impact to the people I worked with, at each stage

3 years- and heart threw me into an emotional state I never gone through before- everytime a song on 'heartbroken' is played, the image in my heart is; i felt i let down this school, her founders to some extent- so it feels heartbroken-

what a definition!- heartbroken because of a love to an organisation that I felt interested towards, yet unable to help her grow; haha

it sounds silly to some of you

but it is the biggest learning curve too- to discover what life and relationships bring about

the joy, the sadness when departures come- i am learning to take it a day at a time; to accept this departure, because everyone has to say Goodbye one day

whenever I feel discouraged, I would think about her and remembered what she and her founders gone through to arrive at success

all these gave me hope to go on

Passion Focus Drive

-Once you been there, you will never be the same-

A little a day, I will keep her in my heart, but also grow forward to reach my dreams

and if I may tell you one more time, apart from the desire to work for an Intl NGO, fighting for the voiceless, helpless, needy; in this one life I have,

fighting for this school is the other only dream worth fighting for

it remains so, at least, for now

So, let's work hard, together

I'll see you again, sometime, in 2013, when you turn 10 years old.

*I miss you Sen, thank you, for guiding me, and still inspiring me, until today*

(I look forward to eat fushion food, and hang out with some new Melbourne colleagues tomorrow in KL!- my role at the fair would just be an under-study:)

1010 days- Person-a

2010-08-07T05:37:00.000-07:00

No wishing to re-write of how 1010 days came about,

today's entry is described most aptly in the lyrics of this song by Eason Chan-

*I miss a few good people- and I wish them well still, in fact, I've enjoyed some parts of the missing-ness since having exit their lives in end 2007-

we never get to have a last meal; the last was probably in Tokyo- it remains one of the best meal times, with a group of people even closer than my family, for, they filled that void and lack of family interaction I grew up without; the ties, the bonding, the trust, the belief they had in me, understanding what my DNA was, accepted parts and whole of those thinkings I had, and

finally, loved me, like a sister

I miss you, brothers, whereever you are today, I pray that you are walking even closer to God, and it remains an unfulfilled wish;

to eat a last meal with you again

before I leave this world

--------------------------------------

流水像清得没带半颗沙
前身被搁在上游风化
但那天经过那条提坝
斜阳又返照闪一下
遇上一朵落花

相遇就此拥着最爱归家
生活别过份地童话化
故事假使短过这五月落霞
没有需要惊诧

流水很清楚惜花这个责任
真的身份不过送运
这趟旅行若算开心
亦是无负这一生

水点蒸发变做白云
花瓣飘落下游生根
淡淡交会过各不留下印
流水在山谷下再次分岔
惰感渐化做淡然优雅
自觉心境已有如明镜
为何为天降的稀客
泛过一点浪花

天下并非只是有这朵花
不用为教事下文牵挂
要是彼此都有些既定路程
学会洒脱好吗

流水很清楚惜花这个责任
真的身份不过送运
这趟旅行若算开心
亦是无负这一生
水点蒸发变做白云
花瓣飘落下游生根
淡淡交会过各不留下印
但是经历过最温柔共震

家乐-means happy family

2010-05-31T00:35:00.000-07:00

-A gilmpse of what I submitted as part of my 'proposal' to a follow up interview-

真心话哦

I thank the interviewer for pressing on the accelerated botton for me to re-invent my mind; to bring out on thoughts and paper things, knowledge, observations I have had for a long time- I can imagine going to work daily crafting tactical plans to overcome challenges Market forces present-

the harder it is, the more I will fight

*I found myself, again, in a brave new spirit ; after 900+ days*

没有经历过，又怎么会明白生命
越是害怕，就越需要去触碰它

生命

愿你也能热爱它

：）

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

关于电影。家乐。我

对于电影，我不算是行家，但是，如果没有电影，我不会拥有那么多正面能量和勇气去追求梦想。电影其实对我而言，是艺术融合生命的骄傲。因此，我希望可以用我小小的知识与热忱通过这份不一样的市场规划与促销的工作来提升自己的技能，也同时为电影这项艺术付出一些贡献。
电影的魅力其实超越那120分钟的画面与声音；它的成功与失败虽然呈现于黑白明确的数字，但是，从另一个角度：能让观众在电影下档后的某年以后还怀念的作品，能让某一些心灵获得安慰，温暖，能让一些失落的灵魂重新找到方向，动力；才是一部好电影的真正魅力与成功。
我相信，在未来的日子，我们可以找到一百万个愿意站出来分享家乐制作的电影对他们生命启发正面推动的观众；他们也甚至可能成为家乐的使者，把更多好的亚洲电影扩展到世界各个民间角落。

----------------------------------------------------------------------

促销之余，另一项有张力的推广其实是依靠民声口碑来带动他们身边的朋友，家人等踏进电影院。。。毕竟，我们也是因为某某约我们去看一些我们原本不想看的电影啊。。。
----------------------------------------------------------------------

这些，也许是能激发我必须把这份任务做得超越普通的 - 好。

我相信，5年后的我，会因为家乐而拥有更多能量去改变世界。

（改变世界，是我想做到的；而电影也是改变世界的使者。。。）

我越来越喜欢电影了。

Invisible Wings: ' We will always support you'

2010-05-24T04:53:00.000-07:00

2 very important ex team members cheered me on with one encouragement that left me strong whenever challenges enter my life;

since Dec 2007

every step, was remembering how blessed I was in their lives

and how blessed they were, in my life

*I realise, one of the most happiest things in life, is to be able to encourage dreamers, artists

for,

I am a dreamer

and a very passionate and innocent one at times

Invisible Wings

thank you

thank you

brothers

承诺- The Promise, The Hope - Sichuan Fundraiser

2010-05-22T01:30:00.000-07:00

Earth Hour 2010- Live!

2010-03-30T08:27:00.001-07:00

SURPRISED?

hope not:)

love@roadshows began as a new chapter in my new role with Lhub, yet it does not mean my exit would mean the end of this blog.

in fact; just the opposite

I hope to keep this blog alive with all my past and current and future events/roadshows experiences here.

*I, really really love the energy of everyone working as a team, in a same direction in any roadshow and corporate event*

sometime back in 2009, I introduced earth hour to my 100++ fellow work-mates and who my boyfriend 1.0 was (aka community work, full time); interestingly, with a lot more time on hand, I finally got to be physically around to support an NGO I started to have a little interest in since 2008....

WWF

who can ever forget the panda logo once you set eyes on it?:)

***************************************************************************

Date: 27 March 2010; Earth Hour 2010 (the 2nd time in Singapore!)

Venue: Esplanade

Crowd attended: estimated at least 1000

Excitedly, this was also the day I could meet up with Tian again (we have not kept in touch for 3 years....). Thanks to Kimthu's phonecall, I could still ride on the last minute bandwagon to volunteer at the event.

(It has been one of my very important 'to-dos' since 2009, to help out at WWF events, maybe because the panda was too unforgettable?:)

Tian and I were based at the Media booth, helping with media enquiries (and other side duties which I loveeeee doing).

The moment I put on the earth hour t-shirt, and the volunteer tag, I feel transformed back to my younger days as an events coordinator at the previous VWO I worked in.

Though those days were 'hard, and crazy'(weighing at 40kg, I had to carrry road barricades for a charity swim event due to logistic needs; it was a huge list of D.I.Ys but these remained so fresh, so endearing in my heart), I enjoyed myself so much in those events and it was through these polishings that I become a better manager, applicable in my scope in Lhub, leading a small sales team-)

As the night unfurls, the respective people (and media) began to arrive, and you could feel the excitement of everyone around you.

Even SMRT (a brand I kind of am neutral about, due to over-exposure taking the MRT daily) looked pretty cool that night.

Probably the best take-aways of the night; (yes, 'gains', in volunteering, people often forget we gain too, though we gave time...) was seeing so many youths and young adults fanatic about saving the earth and animals, and fighting in a same wavelength as my heart beats to advocate for mother nature, people and peace.

What was most memorable personally was that deep inspiration created by a group of handsome and cute boys (oops; missed the point) who was appointed to be 'Litter pickers' of the event.

As I chat with a few of them, I was blown away that it was a joint decision that a few of them, having just graduated from polytechnic signed up to volunteer at Earth Hour 2010.

Wow

what a heart(many of their peers would have spent a precious saturday on games, KTV, movies, supper etc...)

and they were at the event, doing a 'dirty job', with full cheer on their faces, picking litter....

(It has been a while since I can look at the generation Y & Z with a heart of 'hope', for my exposure in youthwork then, showed me another side of them which you would not want to know here.

But nonetheless, everyone makes mistakes, so have I, and so will I still do so, but maybe lesser (since older, wiser....?:)

I am sure you agree with me:)

This group of boys carried out their duty diligently (as I was picking up a piece of plastic bag, they rushed over and assured me that everything is in control, with them around-)

hahahaha

I wish I had taken down their contacts as I do wish to work with them again, in future, if I get to hire young people for my team...

This made me realise that my recent discouragements about 'why should I keep on doing the little things that help others, does it really matter or make any difference, given my insignificant contribution?' is so wrong....

For I have forgotten the beauty of 'Just Do It; and a little thought means so much'

(A Litte Thought Means so much was an old campaign of the Kindness Movement- the Courtesy Mascot, remember?)

I grew up with these attitudes, and values, and tried to chew every bite of food with these, yet sometimes, as fallible as we are, we lose hope, because the results are unseen....

and we give up

*Am I giving up my first dreams?*

*********************************************************

The event ended successfully, under the hands of dedicated staff, interns and regular volunteers from WWF SG (finally, I could put a face to the names of these talented and passionate people!).

For some reason, perhaps it is a natural orchestrated quality all NGO staff possess, I could feel so much vibrancy, sincerity and drive of the WWF staff.

What they gave me, was more than a chance to know them, or help out, but they rebuilt my passion and inspired me to know, and meet so many more passion focused driven people who simply wish to do something; be it big or small, for our tired earth.

I left the event feeling really refreshed, and fired up because it was the first event, after so long that I could just be myself (no checklist on G.O.H, no particular seating plan, no nitty gritty or fussyness about what to wear etc - in fact, all those to-dos in a typical corporate event were not very important that night)

and I still think that the mcdonald's box convertible (into a glass bowl) for namecards' collection) was such an innovative idea!!!

(I would have been sacked, if I use this in a regular event....)

such, are the very earthly touches of what Earth Hour 2010 left in my heart....

I believe

this is a sign too

a healthy sign that I do love events and roadshows very very much

I'll be back

to fill you with more stories of future events I will participate in

I do hope you will join me in future such events too, for, Tian and I had 6 hours of full time catch up!!!

Her smiles, and excitement (being a first time volunteer in an NGO event) completely took away all the doubts and personal burdens I had.....

She told me over supper that 'You have a friend in me'

..........................................................

Thank you, Panda (and WWF)

:):):):)

The final leapt

2010-02-01T07:40:00.000-08:00

'Time waits for no one'

if you have watched the award winning anime, 'The girl who leapt through time', you will understand what the above means....

Having weathered through approximately 20 road shows telling the public to upgrade themselves, for a better future, my body and directional angel urged me to move on.

Moving on

I'll miss road shows

I will

For I really still enjoy the interactions with customers in the most direct way.

*My last roadshow was at woodlands; and it was the happiest working day of Jan. Having bogged down by relapses of sensitive nose and sinus since Dec, I feel energetic-less most days yet during roadshows, and night CAT sessions, my energy seemed to came back like magic.....

Unexplanable

(I recalled a similar feeling in both 3dsense Media School, and LASALLE; my greatest joys always come from the interactions with prospective students, and their decision makers (parents or guardians)

This very direct joy and heartbeat at heart brought me back to why I chose a career in the people services -

Education marketing

is something I will still pursue

and meanwhile,

I'll continue to inspire everyone in keeping this blog alive!

And create more roadshows and campaigns that touched hearts, and changed lives

For,

I love roadshows very much

Was

and still do

The final leapt will be on 26 Feb

Thank you for sharing a great 2009 with me.

問我 ---- I. am who I am. He made me so: )

2010-01-05T08:40:00.000-08:00

This is probably one of the most remembered concert scenes I have ever watched-
Unbelievably terribly fast- time- sped-

*this was something I watched on VCD in 1998, today is 2010- towards 2011*

It felt just like yesterday that I last watched this alone, in my living room, in...Bedok.
I had a little wish then; to meet someone in future who would appreciate Sammi Cheng as much as I do-
and amazingly, I really really met this person in 2006-2007
-God, fulfilled my wish 10 years later-

No longer needed to re write once again of who this person is, how we met, and what we had experienced together in work, in life, in Faith-
I do believe we will meet in an interesting way again-
I last spoke with him in Oct 2007

It is now 3 years later, almost into 4th- and I wish maybe this time round, I will only need 1 more year to meet him again

5 years-

God has been good

He has arranged for me to meet the friends whom I have wanted to meet since a teenager (imagine how Lucky I am!); it took sometime, not too long, just 10 years

him.he.her was a team of people I had always hope to live and work with, and I lost touch of this in an accident perhaps-

or maybe like most friendships that come and go out of our lives beyond our control, this particular one refuses to say goodbye

*there was a bear titled 'Forever Friends' - it describes my inmost feelings towards this friendship- 朋友，是一辈子的

Lyrics to this song is where I stand, how I feel, at yet another Transient phase in my life-
I miss the friends whom I fought one of life's most challenging at home with-

問我歡呼聲有幾多　
問我悲哭聲有幾多我如何能夠
一一去數清楚問我點解會高興　
究竟點解會苦楚我笑住回答　講一聲　
我係我
*無論我有百般對　或者千般錯　
全心去承受結果面對世界一切　
那怕會如何全心保存真的我
Repeat # *問我得失有幾多　
其實得失不必清楚我但求能夠
一一去數清楚願我一生去到終結
無論歷盡幾許風波我仍然能夠講一聲　
我係我我仍然能夠講一聲　
我係我

Money comes in after passion; why I disagree in hard selling

2009-12-10T07:02:00.000-08:00

And I thank God that my current workplace has a social mission to fulfill; and at the end of the day, no matter how stressful being in a sales team can be, I just have to keep reminding myself and the team mates that we’re all in this mission together; that we are helping workers of Singapore.

We are.

The success of Apple is based on Passion, and love for technology.

Don’t you agree?

Well, everyone has his or her views; depending on your background.

After much wrestling of inner battles - to be or not to be; I have chosen to be who I is

for I do not wish to hard sell or push anyone to do the same

but I would like to inspire sales by showing beams of gladness on my face that comes from within - that I am really convinced of the goodness of the programs that help the thousands who need English literacy.

It's an investment that helps you overcome some awkward situations in life, find you new friends, give you emotional support during lessons and help one another to be better workers...

WE CARE ABOUT YOU

that's why we are doing roadshows to outreach to you

Sign up with us?

The team feels exactly the same.

The art of direct sales - Amway at Yakun

2009-11-23T03:15:00.000-08:00

23 Nov 2009

It is no surprise that out of 10 people, 9 knows about AMWAY.

I grew up listening to my mom and aunts recommending each other AMWAY products, you too right?

Sitted at Ya Kun after another meeting at work, I decide to use this time to reflect on some work plans, especially on building up more sales.

Honestly, for that moment upon hearing CEO jokingly spoke of how the next few months' WPL revenue will affect some colleagues' exit or stay with the company, my heart got rejunverenated.

For mine is a heart that naively 'wishes to make a difference', and on way out of office, merging into the mainstream working class who rushes to take the MRT after a tedious day at work (some working on jobs they hate), I feel a strange sense of bliss.

Bliss of being able to make a difference by 'pushing my team to outreach to more public to learn English'

I have not felt excited for a long time, in terms of really being convicted of 'selling our English programmes'; and how it really does help the trainee, and adds value to his/her life.

(The lady sitting next to me suddenly talks about AMWAY, and it struck me to know the best ways to outreach a good product is in coffeeshops.......)

This gave me a new idea to outreach our WPL programme.

MLM, or Evangelising, whatever you call it; I believe in promoting courses to the right people who desire to learn, and I am determined to find that 3600 people to sell WPL to (our target).

Tenacity.

My ex-boss taught me:)

(Thank you Zee too, for being such a kind boss)

How to motivate a Direct Sales Team

2009-11-03T21:08:00.000-08:00

Maybe I should go to Asakusa to pray for an amulet that helps the team to stay motivated and positive no matter what?

And for good health, long life, so that I can continue to write positive stuff during negative times to motivate others?

Never waste the negative moments ooh:)

4 Nov 2009

What makes a good sales team?

Trust, Targets, Tactics?

It's been a while since I sat down to browse through ways to how to best motivate the team.

Honestly,

I am so tired physically and mentally. A friend commented that my inability to grasp control of my sleep/rest patterns due to the constant pressure I unknowningly built up in my mind on everyday's work issues.

So what do I have to worry when I don't have to handle much selling?

Team morale, team performance, team resources

Day in and out, I ask myself if I have done enough to help each team member fulfill his/her role, if enough time is given for each to be coached, if enough skills and knowledge each has, if enough rest for each due to our night activities, if enough satisfaction....

Perhaps I need a dose of inspiration myself badly.

The most useful book recently was 'God is my CEO'; and I hope to surrender every inch of worry and stress unto my Creator's hands.

Why should I worry if I am adequate or not for this hat?

Why not leave it for HIM to lead me through and just do the daily tasks of what is needed?

http://www.kissmarketing.com/blog/how-to-make-your-sales-manager-better

Probably it is only in these times of helplessness that I am being led to remember that there is a greater force out there.

*I still do not know how to work to please people.......or my boss.

For I believe in working for the organisation's values and mission.

If today is the last day

2009-07-28T04:52:00.001-07:00

If
today is the last day of my life, (H1N1 is lurking somewhere...)

I'll still love to outreach a brand, via road shows.....

Do you know yours?

Roadshows re-visited: The more we sell, the more we serve

2009-07-12T01:03:00.000-07:00

(We love food!)
'The more we sell (courses), the more we serve'

9 - 12 July 2009

Roadshows re-visited.
July and August will be the busiest for Retail Sales team.

Hey! We're 3.5 months old now!
(and soon to reach our first 1 Million Sales revenue!)

1 Million may not be a big figure, comparatively, but honestly, I have never thought I can achieve this.

Of course not my own strength, but the combined efforts' of this 6-pax team.

Once again, thank YOU, team.
Allen, Elaine, Xing Yi, Jun Keong, Wee Leong (and our pretty temps)

During this roadshow in Pasir Ris, one customer made me reflect (again...) on society pressures and reality.

Dressed in an outfit of what I used to wear (big t-shirt, shorts) in my youth days, this 24-year old young lady shared about the obstacles she faced in trying to find a job in the service industry, mainly rejected due to her 'non-feminine' looks and dressing.

I told her that she needs to take off her tatoo if she wishes to move forward to join the Security Industry (she signed up for the EBSC course).

It reminded me of how I convinced myself to realise that if I wish to grow, and move forward in my dreams (and career and life), I need to change my dressing, and some perspectives of this world.

That was in end 2007.

I started to understand make-up only in 2008.

Huh.

I relate so much to her frustrations and pray in my heart that she will be able to move forth after finishing the course and find a job.

Youth. She has youth and it is my wish to see every youth being able to fully utilise his/her talents to do something useful and meaningful to this world.

The power within YOUTH is more than what you can imagine.

It surprises myself to know that deep down inside, I share the same values the organisation has; that the reason of Lhub is to help train and enhance the employability of these fellow Singaporeans around us.

Well, at least this incident reminded me that though overwhelmed with reports and pipelines and targets, I still care....

Recently, I went to the Video Games Live show and was inspired by the heart thrilling music of the famous video games from 2 decades ago.

What was so amazing from that show was the re-inforcement of my younger ideals that 'if we try hard enough with our hearts, everything is possible' - Nothing is impossible.

Or impossible is Nothing.

Reminds me so much of the spirit possessed within me from the last school I worked in.

If Martin Leung can make a name out of his talents by uploading a blindfold performance of his piano playing on Youtube - He is now termed as the World's Video Game Pianist, and goes on tours with the VGL tours to spread the magic of video games music.
If the sun still shines despite earthquakes or tsunami

If you and I can still wake up despite fallen 1 hundred leagues from where we climbed up to

Magic still lives

and this magic is within you and me

and I believe that Lhub can move forth to a new direction and achieve new milestones (both for myself, the team, and the company) under the visions of the management team.

(While, my bosses are getting demanding, but why not?)
I respect each one of them,
and thank each from the bottom of my heart.

Imagine!?!, we have served more than 500 customers from the day we started, and perhaps we might not be able to impact everyone (due to the reality of life; that nothing is perfect), surely some out of this 500 would have their jobs retransformed, incomes adjusted after training, and new lives with their families, and children.

And this cycle moves on.

Pay It Forward, remember?

(Retail Sales team is on roadshows at Pasir Ris, Boon Lay, Bedok and Jurong East, visit us, if you're free!)

我是不是该安静的走开

2009-06-24T08:33:00.000-07:00

24 June 2009

With just a quarter's strength, today somewhat seems like a glimpse of 'the end of the world'.....

Fatigue, the flu bug seems to have captured my soul since 2008 started. Or perhaps age has really caught up.
Or maybe it is as what the Doctor said; ' too stressed'.

I never admit to be a worker who gets burdened by 'stress'; in my 7 years of working life, I relied much on Faith, and Faith mostly saw me through, and perhaps much of these attributed to diligence and 'luck'.

In campus times, unknowningly strangely I somewhat did better than I always expected. Little did I know this would be a peep into my future working life.

In working life, unknowingly strangely my bosses seem to know when my heart felt drained and needed a pull or a dose of encouragement.

One word; one sms; one smile actually can make me feel encouraged easily.

Was very encouraged by the positive comments on the team's achievements by various colleagues and bosses in the week.

Bridge; I do enjoy being a connector, to build and move things to unchartered waters.

And it has been a joy though (pain/stress ac hes) building a new team, but nothing can be achieved without the unity displayed in this great team; and the most important persons are

Allen, Elaine, XingYi, Jun Keong and Wee Leong.

Can I proclaim we're one of the best teams to work in?
(I would think so since my team do ask me out for cake sessions....instead of wishing 'boss' does not join)

I feel lucky.

Somehow, this journey and learning curve is getting steeper and yet again, I am so reminded by 2 fellow colleagues at work that 'Be Still, for His arms will hold us through...'

This reminded me of the most important ingredient in holding an organisation together; a shared vision.

At a workshop last week, a part of me blurted out a genuine heartfelt feeling when the trainer asked the whole room why then does the organisation exist?

My answer was plain and somewhat funny, I said:
'We exist to help the public of Singapore enhance their employability skills'

Did I really mean it?

Actually, Yes (orh...oh...hmm)
A hidden part of me that is slowly revealing again is the desire to make a difference in every aspect of life, work.

It is obvious that the scope now has given me the space to make little differences from week to week; and while I must really confess it is not easy to build the old bond as I had with smaller companies previously, there are still ways to share a common ideal and vision with a big organisation as this one.

Or at least this is what I do feel and hear what the senior management is trying to inspire us with; that we Can, come together, to make a shared vision Reality.

It is not easy, certainly one of the hardest jobs in this world; to unite people together.

Yet, sometimes, perhaps all it takes is a step backwards during intense moments at work; when disagreements happened, yet we all know these are for the overall benefit of the organisation.

Besides the targets on shoulders, part of me has decided to make good this chance to help build the skills and attitudes of the people in my team; for I have learnt to appreciate everyone for who he is, and also taking time to help each grow in his weakness.

And I certainly need a helping hand to point out my weaknesses and scold me when necessary; for I now see a thin line between being confident and being arrogant.

Perhaps it is a rainy day.
Perhaps I worked too much (not smart)
Perhaps I just need to walk away for a while(during work 'conflicts')

我是不是该安静的走开?

and recharge for July's events.

I honestly still love roadshows.

I do.

How about you?

Best Buddy

2009-06-14T02:46:00.000-07:00

14 June 2009

'Out of our greatest rejections comes our greatest direction, the dream in your heart may be bigger than the environment in which you find yourself....

Have a great day, stay in an attitude of faith, expect great things from HIM'

Sender: Sheiwah Tan
Received: 07:03:15 12-06-2009

Received this sms from my buddy at work on friday, the same day I woke up on the wrong side of bed:(

With fatigue, and lack of zeal for that particular day, I remain passionate though half of my contact points with colleagues that day was zeal-less.

Sorry guys, esp to my fellow co-workers, if I looked zombie that day.

(I'm a mere 42kg, woman, small build, but overflown with dreams to change the world......)

I thought I lost my first dreams, as I got bogged down by the new realities and pressures of life (work challenges, personal life uncertainty, spiritual dryness.....)

This sms revived me.

Thanks Buddy,
Thank GOD.

We both agree that it was God that brought me here, to this organisation; in many occasions, I said Thank you to buddy.

Because

he is one of the angels who pulled me up from my downest times.

Thank you, Buddy.

Confirmation!

2009-06-03T09:42:00.001-07:00

2 June 2009

Officially welcome into the Lhub family, by my interim boss.
Phew.

I made it.

(Or did I think I would not?)

Whilst I know I have given my heart and some late nights of working last 5 months in this mega (work used to be very operational, and hands-on, this role requires more planning and coordinating and managing....different, but it is exactly what I was looking for in growth...) role, a part of me remain conservative that 'maybe I can do better'.

Anyway, I love work, going off earlier at work is uncommon in my world (because to avoid peak traffic), and also, evening times are lovely for mind taxing planning and reflecting on what the team could have done better, and how to then improve things.

Oh dear, no wonder at 30, I've never dated, single and not too available.

Work. Life Balance.

My ex-bosses always comment on my lack of confidence and belief in my own diligence (that I have done more than enough; and beyond what was expected).

Now I finally understood what they meant.

I couldn't know very well how to handle the differences between work, life and dreams. To me, a job means not only a livelihood channel, it meant the purpose/mission of my existence (and hence I was totally idealistic about building a dream career path last few years until something awaken me.....)

But while some darkness crowds our lives, patches of white do stroked across our horizons and hence making our world greyish and eventually white again.

and in the purest of whiteness, light is formed, and that's where rainbow appears.

C o l o u r s

I am extremely grateful for the confirmation today, and with a bigger burden on shoulder (if you know me by now, you would realise I believe in many things; sometimes over-belief, yet for things I do believe in, they will come true....every of these came true in my last 20plus years)

4Million sales target.....

Would you believe if I choose to believe the team will all achieve this together with me?
(a balance of belief and diligence plus some intelligence should make the targets come true, yah?)

***************************************************************************

*and eventually, the experiences here would lead me to work in an International NGO, in sales and marketing.
Oh, I fell in love with selling nothing except Good Feel and Goodwill since 2006.

***************************************************************************

Oh, I signed up to volunteer with NTUC Women Work Development Secretariat (WDS) today....
am free during saturdays anyway, to volunteer.

Anyone wana join me to conduct play activities and tuition for kids from single moms' families?:)

It's fun!

Farewell to Temp staff

2009-05-22T06:52:00.000-07:00

22 May 2009

Just another exit?

Cards, photo taking, well wishes, hugs, tears(at heart), good bye....

Guorong finally moves on to a Marketing job that he so desires. His dream, is to be a good Advertising guru, to create campaigns that make a difference.

The first temp staff of Retail Sales Team leaves us today.

Pleasantly, when Sham passed me a card to sign for Guorong, I felt a tinge of 'Wow'.
Guorong has only been with the team for 2 months, and just 2 months, he has found new friends within the ICT BU.

Wati, Nicole, Sham, Aileen were all rushing to take pictures with him; so is the rest of the team.

Somehow, this scene touched me yet reminded me on how I have not really taken the time and heart to love everyone around me.

(We only start to treasure those whom we really love after The Exit)

Exits. entrances.

Too many of these in life has made me (us) numb sometimes, and with Guorong's departure, this means 2 things:

1) I need to find a replacement for his role in clearing web leads
2) I have another friend who fights for passion and dreams in a similar way that I believe....

All the best,
Guorong

Thank you
for the help, and inputs

*join us at the next roadshow, will you? and bring us mushrooms from your new job!....*

Next roadshow@ Toa Payoh, 1 - 7 June 09

We laugh during OTs....

2009-05-06T10:36:00.000-07:00

6 May 2009

With a pinch of magic, the team has done:
20 night WPL class visits
1 full roadshow, 6 days
2 100 pax Pre CAT; signing up 45 and 60 WPL applicants
6 nights of POST CAT; 120 WPL/SSE applicants

My heart feels anxious for the team, seeing everyone worked overnight till at least 1030pm last 3 weeks regularly ache and touch me, for it is not a sole effort, everyone is doing his/her best to excel in this new role, and create new spirit for this new team.

Yes, we carry perhaps only a mere less than 10% of the overall sales targets, but we are happy in this team because we never survive a day of work without a big laughter.

We laugh when we made mistakes; simple ones, especially those of mine
We laugh when we find ourselves still doing registrations into TMS at e2i at 11pm(huh?)
We laugh

every single day

and perhaps this is really call comradeship; we may not be perfect, not me certainly,
but we value this team spirit

and I am just glad to be part of this team, at this stage in my life

I am very sure we will part ways one day and move on
But I know I will never forget the memories that are building

-We've only just began-

Join us at lunch one day?
or visit us at Yishun Interchange, 11 to 17 May next week.....

Believe

2009-05-02T07:18:00.000-07:00

(Wall-e, one of the most pure hearted characters alive, he believed.....and his dreams came true; and his dream is

Eve...

Who said dreams need to be Big:)

2 May 2009

Someone once told me that if you believe in something, believe in it all the way, even if few or none really believes in what you believe in.

Easily inspired, sometimes discouraged, yet many times re-encouraged by the little tickles of life; music, good stories (books, music, animation!), here's what I shall hold on to, in building this little team in 'Retail Selling'

突然觉得我只是一个人
有点孤单浅浅的忧郁
我不知道明天会不会很美丽
虽然今天天很蓝
而云很白
风很凉
今天日记空白没有关系
不必每件事情都在意
不想工作
不想困扰自己
不必刻意想你
该是我的总会来
就算挑战
我不走开
一点点你的微笑
已经让我觉得温暖
我还不懂坚持
正好让我
学会去爱
我曾经看见困难
变得胆小
不够勇敢
但还是要相信
相信感觉
相信简单
有一天
等我懂得事实也许更会幸福
至少现在让我去相信

哦
我还是会相信
相信感觉
相信简单

(A song sang by Stefanie Sun; but I prefer the version by Kay Tse)

Believe in your inner feeling
Believe in simplicity

I'll continue to live my life living out my dreams, listening to my heart, and believing in simplicity.

I am a simple woman, who loves road shows, all kinds.

And I dream to organise monthly road shows to raise funds for the poor people/children to give them education.

I believe this current role will lead me there.............

(Hi Auntie ah, come lah, this course is very cheap.....)

Simplicity.
Simple language
Simple heart

Just to help more aunties learn English

Road show@Yishun 11 - 17 May

Transformer(s) we are: Batam Budget Retreat

2009-04-05T03:43:00.000-07:00

4 April 2009

This week ended with an inspiring Budget Planning Retreat at Batam.

Social enterprise; I did a rough search at the NTUC website (including Young NTUC) and my heart actually thrilled - isn't this always part of Dream 1.0? (to work in a social enterprise).

Yeah.

Zee's ending speech at the retreat injected a heavy dose of confidence and zeal into many of us who were at the meeting.

In my own thoughts, I felt this strongly, and would like to share with everyone:
'Be it whether you are the customer service officer handling a customer enquiry, or at the back end planning class schedules and venues, whether you're a manager or an executive,

we're all transformer(s), transforming lives to help the workers of our country find better job/opportunities and help their families live better lives (or send their children to school, provide medical care for aged elderly at home.....).

How awesome.

I feel so inspired to be working alongside a team of leaders who care about making a difference; tis shall drive me to work harder, for I believe in exactly the same things.

The unexpected dose of encouragement from colleagues (somehow, I never felt I have done a lot...it just started, and there's so much to do for the new team!), new friendships formed these few months and the social mission will lead me to work harder for the next year to come.

For I am now convinced that road shows are really lovable and exciting.
(rather good for team building!)

See you all at the next Retreat:)

'Boyfriend' 1.0: can't live without 'him'

2009-03-26T09:35:00.000-07:00

26 Mar 09

At age 12, I dreamt about 'him'

At age 18, I decided I will only 'marry' 'him'

At age 23, I fell in love with 'him'

At age 28, I fell for another 'him'

At age 30, I realise I've never stopped loving 'him'

and 'he' is...........................

'Boyfriend' 1.0

Doctors without Borders

http://www.msf.org/

Besides spending saturdays on dates with the airport and my CEO up there, my boring yet meaningful life (huh?) revolves around being a busy-body to know what others are doing for the world we live in, while trying to get myself lovable and patient and giving again....

http://www.oxfam.org/

http://www.roomtoread.org/

http://www.orbis.org/

http://www.un.org/

THIS IS CUTE!

http://www.panda.org/

EARTH HOUR

Have you signed up yet?

there's gonna be a roadshow to kick-off Earth Hour on 27 Mar at Bugis, I'll be there

for don't forget I love roadshows very very much ooooh!

any kind, anywhere, anytime

I love road shows:)

especially those with 'him'

Retail Sales Team Biodata

2009-03-23T08:23:00.000-07:00

23 March 09

Wana know how the new, fully formed Retail Sales team looks like?

here we are __________: ^^)

Guess who's who?......................................

Find us at the next roadshow and you'll know...haha

Brainy stuff:

Daily feeds from Guy Kawasaki are what sustains my shrinking brain..........

http://blog.guykawasaki.com/

(ok ok ok ok ok ok, I'm learning how to write emails in 3 sentences, and writes love letters in line - no wonder still single...*huh...*)

I. Love. You (roadshows)

True meaning of 'making a difference': Be nice to everyone.....

2009-03-22T03:33:00.000-07:00

What gives you energy to get UP to work?

The common reasons, survival, reality $$$, loved ones, dreams.
Still human.

though Magic probably blew me UP daily
just a little idealism overflowing still.................

a little

Walt faced money issues too; and so as I happily enjoyed the earlier days of non-profit work, I could see the lag comparing my peers' tangible success as to mine (first human flaw we all have: greed); and that made me :( O no...gosh...wosh....

but actually it was a strategy to build a portfolio in sales to get to the other side of Dreams 1.0

Nah, I'm definitely not the most smart, nice, patient person you've met; for I've met a dozen of them these 29 years, and I'll never forget them.
You might just be one of them, by the way:)

At 30, I've finally figured out something that has always been with me, yet unaware of previously. To make a difference does not need me to give up everything to work in a 3rd world country, or to volunteer or donate money to a orphanage (though I still do so, well, cos' I can't sit around and do nothing....).

To make a difference can simply be these:

Smile to every colleague you meet at the corridor, at meetings etc
Give a tissue to a coworker sneezing
Ask a new coworker along for lunch
Encourage a coworker in short emails
Supporting a coworker when he/she is sick; such as cover for
Contest each other in brainstorming sessions, yet eventually coming to a general consensus on the best outcome for the benefit of the organisation

Do you know you've just done all these for me?

I still yearn to make a difference, in everyday of work.

For I had my shares of grumbling, mistakes, reactiveness, bad attitudes and discontentment, resulting in painful lessons learnt.

The best part of such lessons make us better persons, and the good thing about Tomorrow is, we can all change to be better workers, better spouses, better parents and better leaders.

'The best way to change the world is to change ourselves" -

Thank you, for accepting some of my flaws, and allowing me time to change.

Thank you so much (ex coworker, current coworker, and my loved ones)

-for my CEO UP there-

Before roadshows: Dreams 1.0 (Part1)- Runaway youths (me?)

2009-03-22T01:38:00.001-07:00

(no1 told me changing the world includes printing folder labels for Nokia donated folders in a youth centre where every hardware was a 2nd-hand item....)

But what incredible knowledge I gained! I set up the entire centre's wireless network; and learnt the differences between Linkys and D-link.

Don't ever buy D-Link!!! there's just something not right about this wireless router....(oops)

Dream 1.0 was about changing the world
and I rolled up my sleeve and went about cold calling every NPO/VWO/Charity in Singapore from the National Council of Social Services website.

By the 3rd year after NTU (from 2002), I've studied through the entire social services industry, understanding everything I need to know about the difference between a social worker and a program executive; took up ad-hoc jobs in small charities, never mind the low pay and long hours.....

A program Executive in a charity in layman's term is the administrator, accounts clerk, events coordinator, PR, Marcom, Marketing manager, secretary and HR (volunteers coordination).

Noone told me that I would need to be these roles to achieve Dream 1.0.

But journeys put me through all these roles, and tasted a substantial amount of the work behind these roles. I did enjoy these roles in the Youth Centre where I traveled from Punggol to Clementi daily including weekends....

for passion?
Yeah, you bet.

the idealism then:)

Jack of all trades, Master of none:(

2006 seeps in where my heart got dead and tired; noone is telling me how to get to Dream 1.0.

(Not even the Yellow Brick road can lead me to the Emerald Castle; Wizard of Oz...)

So I just kept singing

Rainbow Connection, deeply wishing a rainbow can lead me to Dream 1.0.

Why are there so many
Songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side
Rainbow's are visions
They're only illusions
And rainbows have nothing to hide
So we've been told and some chose to
Believe it
But I know they're wrong wait and see

Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me

Who said that every wish
Would be heard and answered
When wished on the morning star
Somebody thought of that
And someone believed it
And look what it's done so far
What's so amazing
That keeps us star gazing
What so we think we might see

Someday we'll find it
That Rainbow Connection
The lovers the dreamers and me

Have you been half asleep
And have you heard voices
I've heard them calling my name
Are these the sweet sounds that called
The young sailors
I think they're one and the same
I've heard it too many times to ignore it
There's something that I'm supposed to be

Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me

(My stay with the Student Advisory Centre was the most memorable one; coordinating 2 national wide charity swim events; where Par Sec Mr Teo Ser Luck was the centre's donor/swimmer............it was where I learnt how to draft Press Releases, and do up Press Kits, and make use of the least resources to market a product; aka, sell Nothing except Goodwill to get people to donate money....for results not instantly seen- for these youths though rebelious are just like you and me who need people to accept them and love for and believe in them for who they are......)

Noone would really quite believe that in 2003, I dreamt to work for this centre, and I prayed for a chance
and in 2005, I join the team (the founder Trevor, a counselor), and 3 of us did change some lives in those 2 years......

What a dream come true!

Inspired yet?:)

Walt Disney told me I will get to Dream 1.0 someday.................

Before roadshows: Dreams 1.0

2009-03-22T01:06:00.000-07:00

Let's take a break from roadshows; I've some nice stories to keep you inspired.

"When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable" - Walt Disney

I first heard of this from my ex boss; from 3dsense Media School.

He is one of the most passionate people I have ever worked with before; and remained a special friend/mentor/brother in my heart. I made a promise to him 2 years ago; and it shall remain:

To do my best in the job that God puts me in; and to support him and his dream until 56.

His dream is to be an educator that creates wonderful touching animations to cheer audiences all over the world - simple dream.

I became his fan since the first time I met him; on 26 Oct 2006.
Animations. NTU. Schoolmates?!!!Magic. Stubborn believer of dreams/passion. Love. Fun. Childlike. Humor. Forthright. Hardworking. Thrifty. GOD. Musicals

Musicals.

He is one of the few peers around me who adore musicals as if they are Pop music. We hit off because of musicals largely; and GOD.

Amazingly, Musicals (Broadway, MGM, Classics, Gene Kelley, Frank Sinatra, Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, Judy Garland, Julie Andrews.....) was my peer when I was most down (when my parents' relationship was at a ??? stage then, and that was where I started to move house every other year...well, a phase commonly faced by most of us growing up in the 80s.....right?).

TOMORROW in ANNIE;

For you, for my ex-boss Kok Sen

The sun'll come out Tomorrow Bet your bottom dollar That tomorrow There'll be sun! Just thinkin' about Tomorrow Clears away the cobwebs, And the sorrow 'Til there's none! When I'm stuck a day That's gray, And lonely, I just stick out my chin And Grin, And Say, Oh! The sun'll come out Tomorrow So ya gotta hang on 'Til tomorrow Come what may Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya Tomorrow! You're always A day A way!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrnawMnffRQ&feature=related

Still feeling blue and stuck? Just sing and believe in TOMORROW:)

(but the tons of work given by your boss still stays yah....hahaha)

Suntec Career Fair 09: Clash of the Titans

2009-03-10T10:10:00.000-07:00

CDC Roadshow: Need water!

2009-02-26T06:49:00.000-08:00

21 Feb 2009 Event: SECDC roadshow at Bedok Organised by SECDC

Decide to head this roadshow with 4 temps, as it is just a one day event and as briefed, CDC roadshows has a slightly different selling strategy, so it should be manageable (la).

7th week old now, I am more confident to front an event by myself; afterall, I am really falling in love with roadshows.

Oh really? Ha ha.

Part for duty sake, part for interest; why not?

What a start; before we even get to pull out all the brochures and flyers, crowds of people were flocking to our booth asking if we have jobs for them...

Err...

Stuck in a crowd of 100s of people in front of me, and juggling to settle down the temps (2 regulars and 2 new ones), I decide to take a more firm stand and said as loud and nice as I can (smiling - 4 S strategy):

WE ARE A TRAINING PROVIDER! WE DO NOT HAVE JOBS FOR YOU, BUT WE CAN HELP YOU UPGRADE YOUR SKILLS!

Phew.

Through experiences, I learnt that sometimes, while we hope to provide personalised and good service, in an event of such scale and crowd, a wise action is to change strategy to focus on collecting leads and not spend more than 10 minutes explaining to each customer as we are situated next to the mini stage; where the emcee frequently makes announcements that crowd out our voices:(

(Thanks to Law's recommendation, this group of Temp staff brought in 150+ leads for this one-day event)

And unexpectedly, the actual sales and sign-ups actually exceeded my set targets for this temp team too.

(My KPIs for this event set are: 100 leads, 10 sign ups)

All thanks to the hard work of the Temp staff.
And thanks Sharon for sacrificing part of her saturday family time to be down to support us!

Roadshows; heartlands
Strangely, even though it was such a draining event that left me with no more energy to go on any date on a saturday evening, I felt grateful, exceptionally grateful that I have a satisfying job today; to be able to feed myself and my family, and still reach out to people who need help in terms of their training needs, careers and eventually, their lives.

For I suddenly remember that I am still as idealistic as I was; though my focus in current stage of life might have more practical and numbers driven (afterall, I graduated from Business school...brainwashed -), I am happy after a long day smiling, standing and selling, and supporting my temps

because magic sustained me.

(and not forgetting work buddy SW's pop in to support us morally....with 5 cans of high-suagr content beverage; of which typically I will skip...)

It's the heart that counts:)

Post Event
The event ended with an alarming number of leads (and more work for follow ups:( :), and surprised numbers of sign-ups.

The idealistic me began to dream ahead of the higher targets Retail Sales must have soon....

*You reach a point where you don't work for money* - WALT DISNEY

(Maybe you can visit us at the upcoming Career Fair 09 at Level 6, Suntec 5 - 8 March, bring us some water? :)

A day in the life of a SC (at roadshows)

2009-02-26T06:33:00.000-08:00

A day in the life of a Sales Consultant was like:

start the day with setting up the booth; rain or shine (pray for good weather)
1st customer approaches booth; sits the customer down to explain the course; and a call from another customer comes in at the same time (missed call...)
finished consultation; customer signs up! (explaining all the terms and conditions...)
prepare manual receipt while customer fills up the registration form and pays up; (pray it is not nets...otherwise have to take a longer time...; at back of mind - 'I need to return the last missed call...')
gives customer a good handshake, assure that in a week's time will be sending him the confirmation letter, and ends off with thank you and remembering to give him a namecard for future follow up
another call comes in; called by a corporate client (urgent follow up - 'I need to return the earlier call and settle the issue first)
finally settles the 2nd call, and barely have time to return the 1st call, another customer comes by (brought by the temp staff who managed to pull in this customer to sit down to find out more)
the whole process repeats again

and finally, during mid-day, find sometime hoping to register the signed-ups into TMS (arghh....TMS log in not smooth offsite!...wait...wait...restart....)

a quick lunch and back to the booth to continue smiling and selling.

Finally, after 8 hours of standing and selling, jaws began to fail....can't wait to go home to bathe and quickly clear up some back-end admin work; and tally the sales proceeds for the day.
(Besides individual customers who signed up at roadshows, there are a long list of leads to follow up; calls, emails, and a mixture of corporate and individual customers to be attended to)

What time can I sleep tonight?

*Am so glad Retail Sales is now here to assist the SC with his/her load of juggling corporate and individual customers*

Thank you SCs
Thank you for being the customer service, course consultant and sales admin all this while....

For all the SCs of Lhub.
加油！！！

1st roadshow: Tampines (a preview)

2009-02-26T05:25:00.000-08:00

2 - 8 Feb 2009
Roadshow venue: Tampines Bus Interchange
Organiser: Lhub Marketing Team

This is my first roadshow representing Retail Sales Team!
Extremely EXCITED:)

Being my first event at Lhub, I decide to let myself sink into the role of a Sales Consultant.

Do you ever wonder what goes on during roadshows?

1. Preparation
Exporting Schedules from TMS, beautifying in Excel before printing, ensuring some seats are booked for popular classes, Sales Kit; what's missing, what to fill in; oops, no consistency in layout now...lots of ideas to fill up the Sales kit; testimonies of graduated trainees, location maps, photos of classrooms, industry news to entice crowd....

2. Actual event duration (at least 4 to 7 days)
Smile. Sell. Serve. Stand

(the more sales we hit, it means the more people served- an idealism, but a nice motivating factor that keeps me sane stationed at the booth: )

4 S strategy.
Smile when we give a flyer, sell as if we are serving our loved ones, and keep Smiling all the way, to show our sincerity.

With the help of the SCs, this make-shift temporary 'Retail Sales' (or shall we call ourselves ROADSHOW DEPARTMENT) managed to close 70 sign-ups in 7 days (hmm, I am confident we can do better in future events).

(minusing our costs incurred of booth and temp staff, and other miscellaneous costs, we do still have a net gain)

Interestingly, these 7 days exposed me to every learning I need to grasp to move on in building the new Retail Sales team.

And I really appreciate every Sales Consultant who took time to guide me and gave in effort to serve every customer at the event.

And kudos to Lawrence and Marketing. On the final day (sunday night, Law popped up at closing and gave everyone a dose of encouragement via his infectious smile...)

What a team;) what more can I ask for?
Only more excited to work harder:)

At the end of the 7 days, my body started to show signs that I am really gonna be 30 soon (sighed...). Physically tired but even more excited.

Huh?

For I believe in roadshows as another channel to bring in new customers, and new leads.
All I need is a team of high-stamina members to cover the whole of Singapore with me....

Ooops...

*Will you wana join me(us) in future roadshows?

(Crazily, for some reasons, I fell in love with education (private) marketing/sales, and roadshows since 2006.
Being idealistic all my life (well, but have learnt that while magic works, bread matters:), I believe in dreams; convictions to 'make a difference' led me to choose Education sector as a long term career)

What turns me on this month: (Books)
"Experience the business behind the Magic" - Disney Institute
Leadership Development, Quality Service, Customer Loyalty, Organizational Creativity, and People Management
http://www.disneyinstitute.com/

*You can design and create, and build the most wonderful place in the world. But it takes people to make the dream a reality*
- WALT DISNEY

后记：想念210天

2009-02-15T01:56:00.000-08:00

5月18 日2008年

I received a call from RCHKS, from Hong Kong. A small NGO in Hong Kong invites me for an interview.

I never expected this.

Should I go? It could the one and only chance.....to have a chance to work in an overseas NGO, a starting ground. I have not heard about this NGO before....and in my heart, I only wish to work for MSF, Oxfam or Orbis.
Room to Read perhaps.

Leprosy....

Somehow this seems from GOD and perhaps from Satan....I am settling well in this position, yet I am struggling deep at heart, because of the inability to let go of my love for the previous media school. On one hand, it is a real good feeling, and I feel proud to have deep feelings for every job. But it seems that I have over-loved that organisation as if it was my own company too.

I am caught in a dilemma....
Am I wrong to fall in love with every job?
But isn't it the best way to then motivate myself to give my heart to the duties there?

I told Bro it was 'Nan ren qian cai', for I started not wanting to love deeply, because I was afraid of getting hurt the same way I felt in the last VWO I worked in.

Today, whatever I felt for that VWO did not feel much; in fact, it was my own fault too, for loving my job too deep, too hard.

I wish I can run to Bro again and tell him how I have been feeling these months; of sleepless nights because I felt misunderstood for my 'lack of love' for the school; and lack of fighting spirit.

Only GOD and Bro would know how much I wanted to stay with her and help her grow.
It is such a sweet experience, to find a place that is everything I prayed for:

A workplace of passionate and kind people, who genuinely works diligently for dreams and practical reasons.

I often prayed about how lucky I am, to find all my workplaces, and now this Arts school.

*I will go....for if I really get this chance to work overseas, then I will have a chance to go visit Bro and him and say

I am sorry,
and I love you

后记：想念209天

2009-02-15T01:45:00.000-08:00

5月17日2008年

As much as I enjoy my current role, education marketing, international exposure, there is a voice (Satan perhaps) that keeps saying that I should still pursue my first dreams; to work in an INTL NGO.

I still send in my applications to overseas NGOs in the positions of fundraising and Marcom.

Forget it if noone really understands me anymore.

For I still insist I am giving my heart, soul and mind and TIME to my work daily.
Even while eating, I think about how to recruit more students, how to communicate with the agents, how to better motivate the team (and there is a new team member now).

I am insecure that I am just a soft-spoken woman who has big dreams, and think a little different from many people; yet all I seek is a harmonious working and family life where I can be with the people who know me and love me for who I am.

For I only desire to keep loving those whom my heart really feels for.
And I have found quite a few of these friends these years.

Pei, Joanne, big sister, Trevor, Bro and him.
and Bro's wife; SY.

Received news that I will be travelling to India for 3 roadshows for 10 days towards end May.
Excited and still hope to share with Bro these upcoming trips....

I wish I can share with him too.
For he never thought I hope to share his burdens in travelling to different regions to market the school's courses and events back then.

Argh, I was not confident anyway....and never spoke for what I desire to do for the school.

Nevermind, it is over. I am glad I can do these for LASALLE now.,

I do love LASALLE more and more; for though workload gets more and more, with issues operationally to sort out (with the agents esp), my heart beat through every internal ans external meetings; for my boss and colleagues have an innate passion for the Arts too.
It feels great to work alongside people who have the same zeal.

(the series of LASALLE Graduation Show 08 was such a memorable event)

Yet this is so different from what I experienced with Bro and him, and her.

Perhaps the size of the organisation made it different.
But I know it is because of the people.

The people, I miss Bro a lot in May.
And by now, I have written a lot of 'I miss you' and I am sorry to him....

and I wish I can have a chance to find him and say some words in person....

For he remains a friend, a good friend.

And will be so.

后记：想念193 - 207天

2009-02-15T01:24:00.000-08:00

5月1 - 15 日2008年

May 1: A public holiday. May Day.
Had a good time praying at St Andrew's church alone....and tears flew as usual.

(Oh dear, how can I stop crying? Every sermon cuts my heart and it's been a long time since I joined my church.... for I do not wish to cry in front of my friends...and how can I share with them how I feel....)

For I have always been a strong gal.

The work pressures are increasing; and though as usual work situations sometimes made me frustrated, but I enjoy the same kind of 'let's just fight through these'; just that it is no longer the same kind of Team Fighting but solitude fight at work.

Facing team synergy, I had to remind myself to be a patient leader towards my team-mate.
Having difficulties working with him (for he has his own issues, and from Day 1, he felt he should be in my role....), I can only share some with Joanne and spend time trying to lead like Jesus.

Suddenly, I am reminded of the book I gave Bro in Dec 06.
*JESUS IS MY CEO*

(he was very thrilled to receive that book, for he said he wanted to buy it too....)
That was the first time I felt he really is like a Brother; whom I can share my ideals and weird thoughts with.
And he never puts me down.

So we are indeed friends via CHRIST.

How nice:)
I love praying for Bro and him back in 2007 when we worked together.

After 2 months in this new workplace, I still think of them a lot, and the daily situations at home actually made me see so much of their hidden hardwork; some of which I am only able to relate now because of the similarities of the circumstances.

Team dynamics, how to be a good leader, to inspire a team, to teach others, to be patient, to always be encouraging, to appreciate your staff, to not be easily angry, to always motivate, to value staff's strengths.......

and to keep serving.

Bro's ideals of being a good leader is to bring the best talents together to create the best animation.
I wish I can run to him and tell him that I finally understand what he meant then....

May 2 to May 15

Work took up a large part of my life.
9am to 9pm becomes a routine again.
And weekends are spent clearing the hundred emails in my inbox.

And I have forgotten how to fear GOD and grew to be lazy to or rather unmotivated to attend church.
Not that I don't love GOD anymore,

But I do not know where I can go to worship GOD, with a group of friends who will accept me for who I was and am.

I do miss my bible talk, and sent them updates and notes and messages.
I sent birthday wishes to friends whom impacted me and whom I wish to love continuously....

And for the first time, I dislike solitude....

Where is GOD?

后记：想念166 - 192天

2009-02-15T01:15:00.000-08:00

4月3 - 30 日2008年

曾经有一份真诚的爱摆在我的面前，但是我没有珍惜，等到失去的时候才后悔莫及，尘世间最痛苦的事莫过于此。如果上天可以给我个机会再来一次的话，我会对这个女孩说我爱她，如果非要在这份爱加上一个期限，我希望是一万年。。。。

你是否在等待这一句话？不难说。。。我会说，若遇到

Finally, I have passed my 1st month in this new role. Certainly not easy, for I never asked for it!
But I took it up because I wanted to be at a higher level to change things, to improve things, and deep down at heart, I am happy GOD knows my heart; for HE brought me to this place that I am keen to promote.

Arts Education.
New Media.
Designers.
Youths.
Development.

My new job is to groom future artists that shape the Arts/Design industry.

Waking up daily to miss my ex company....(huh)

In the midst of the new challenges at work, while day time was satisfying, doing all the things I had always wanted to do at the last media school, yet inadequate to do so, my heart feels sad when night falls.

Beautiful 2007 was spent with HER. Every daily experience, encounter with every student, every staff, and him lives strongly in my heart. No one knows how deep the experience could be, no one knows how many tears I shed for her. him. them.

I still wake up daily missing her, missing him, and he.

I wish to explain why; it is simply HOME. I felt like an orphan fighting endlessly headlessly for my dreams since I started working in 2002, and I was very brave to go forward to pursue what I believed in. God was with me, and no one else.

(I had a hard time explaining why I went to work with Epilepsy Care Group; it was not the most cheerful place, epileptic people were struggling to be accepted into society, and I felt great being there, because I could relate to them; I felt unbelonged, unaccepted most of the time in my living days).

SHE is an interesting school that thrives on passion and for someone like me to bump into her, it is not coincidence, it is Fate. I like the way Fate arranged for me to experience the best there, yet left feeling the most weak.

I have to keep reminding myself that without her.him.he, I will not be able to understand Humanity's humaneness or Humans' humanity.

Humanity, a brand that I wanted to promote all my life; why?

Because HE created me to be so, and I slipped, and he appeared to hold me when I wanted to let go of this dream that I held on to all my life.

From Beautiful Solitude, I emerged to be Beautiful Human.

I am , just a Human being, that's why I cry, still cry over the best part of life that I had, and gave it up myself.

我只不过是一个孩子.....

想念 HER , 你们要去看看哦:) @ Paradiz Centre, 04-01

后记：想念165天

2009-02-15T01:03:00.000-08:00

4月2 日2008年

Had an awesome day on a writing spree! Went to St Andrew's church to pray and cry a bit, and settled at Rocky Master to read Jimmy's new book.

Jimmy; I thank God for an Artist like him.

向左走,向右走, 我会写下去, 有一天,他会懂:)

Fell in love with Jimmy; whenever I feel sad about the loss of valuable friendships in life (sis in law, Bro, him, and a few others; primary school pals esp), Jimmy's words and drawings soothen my heart.

*Why am I so weak that I did not even know this part of me....*

It is on one hand interesting to feel these, yet 'painful' because I do not know how to stop crying during weekends or public holidays.

Dear Bro, hope you are well.
CGO is in preparation, and you must be busy with the flying, for publicity etc.
Do take care.

Hope you find the $500 meaningful, for the $ is not what matters, but the heart.
I just want you to know that I love everything she has done for me....

and I did make a mistake.

By saying some things in a wrong time

Though those were true

GOD will bring us to where we desire, I am sad I am now standing on the opposite side with you, there are gradual moments I am feeling terrible advocating the courses I have to promote now, yet internally struggling with the convictions of the current programmes as compared to her.

And this is my biggest weakness; I always fall in love deeply with my job and the organisation I chose to work for.
And this love remains.

For she is still the best media school I am proud to tell the whole world.
For she is driven by Passion and Hardwork.

And she is your hardwork; she inspired me.
You too.

And GOD will protect you.

后记：想念164 天

2009-02-15T00:55:00.000-08:00

4月1 日2008年

一封对她的思念情书；
献给 Bro.

Blogs are good for recording my work history yah?

I miss a friend, miss her very much. She came into my life in Oct 2006 and I can never forget the 1st day I started my new journey with her. She is so warm, so young yet filled with pride. I miss being with her, and it was the first and only place where I could let down my hair and be my real self. She accepted me for who I was, and who I am then.

Passion, Focus, Driven, she is all of these....

She loved me, with respect.

I was inspired by her, she was open to my feelings, as I often shared about how wonderful and the best I had ever experienced. She was like an old friend, and a lost friend that I am destined to meet in this one lifetime.

Gradually, my love for her grew to the extent where I was ready to let go of my original stubborn ideals and embrace hers. She won me over.

But as Fate often arranges in ways we can never understand why, I let go of this beautiful relationship. My heart was in so much pain, beyond all words from the time I said goodbye to her, from that single day I decided to let her go out of pure love for her. I knew that at that point, letting go of her was the only choice I had.

For 4 months, even until now, I cry constantly for this lost friendship, that made my heartbeat genuinely for 426days.

I miss her, very very much.

And noone will believe me if I said I had wanted to stay with her for the rest of my life......I wanted so much to....to see her grow, to be a part of her growth....I was not angry or tired of the issues that arose when she was facing some personal struggles. I wanted so much to say I would be happy to continue to sacrifice everything I had in terms of personal ideals, for her.

It was a love relationship noone can understand, and I thought maybe there was one friend who could...but he did not too....or rather he felt I should be myself and let go of it and go pursue what is better for me.

I did not have a chance to tell him how much I loved her, and how much I loved him....

3dsense Media School; a paradise in my life, the best memories of my working life shall always remain intact in Paradiz Centre, #04-01.

Justin Chua, a friend whom I did not get to tell him in person how much I am grateful to him, and how much I learnt from him and hope to be a part of his life for the rest of this one life we have. He gave me something that none has managed to give me before......and he did not know....

Out of sillyness, I told him so many things, via writings, smses...and he chose Silence to end it...to let me know that the day I gave her up, he ended the friendship too.

I did not tell you I fell in love once so deeply before right?

后记：想念156 - 163 天

2009-02-14T23:50:00.000-08:00

3月24 - 31 日2008年

是否每一个人都会失恋?

我猜,因开会吧?

第一次去印尼,是因为工作,13 - 17日3月，不算难忘，却又有新的收获。我发现，我真的‘失恋‘了。。。’是对生命失恋了。

Why am I always falling out of love with life?.....because I fell in love with life too hard.

Well, it's a wonderful feeling to fall in love with life, and be grateful daily, but, I need to confess I am NO Saint and certainly have fallen further and further behind HIS' guidance.

今天还说了一个谎言，因为脑筋有一点不寻常，也真搞不懂自己。想在这里忏悔；我又变成了一个孤单的败者，只因心不会跳了。

Life is funny; you will never realise what you have IS actually what you want until you lose it. I told Kim at the flight back earlier; there were somethings that made me very sad and she made one comment: 'certain things are not meant to be'.

Argh....sounds like some line from a soap drama. And yes, life is made up of fragments of dramatic scenes, some magnified, some just too insignificant to remember.

HOW DO I KNOW what's falling out of love when I have not been truly in love before?

I should stop saying I have never fallen in love before. I had. I was so much in love with musicals when I was 19 that life literally blossomed and HOPE magnified whenever I finished watching a movie musical (from Tape on loan from the then old Bedok Library).

I pursued my love and belief in wanting to serve the needy in the community services upon graduating from Business school and cast away all thoughts of practicality and adamantly chased after my dreams; to help others who are in need.

Yet along the way, my pure heart got drained and got tainted. I began to criticise people who served in the charity sector as 'not driven and passionate' enough, or they are just being too selfish to go into collaborations and partnerships and for some reason, even as I 100% allow myself to fall in love with my job and never had much 'monday blues' (everyday was meaningful), I also allowed myself to be more exposed to the rules of this world.

And I decided that pure chasing of my dreams is enough.

I have been not too happy when friends described me as 'loving, kind, gentle, compassionate'. I wanted to hear words like 'strong, determined and considerate'.

Today, I can finally admit I am not loving, not that all gentle but I do admit I dislike conflicts, and people who are selfish and only keep wanting to pursue self interests. I never really like people who are demanding and want things to be done his way.

But the world raises up people such as the Pharisees; they talk loud, allow themselves to be seen, demand status recognition and yet have little compassion.

Everyone has a past, so do I. If I tell you my past (since Oct 2007), would you promise to still be my friend?

I say grace before a meal without even pondering what I said, I murmured....(I have no liking for food....)

I reminded myself to think about a friend to pray for a day, just to keep my heart not selfish and soft (I hate myself being unloving sincerely....love means I wana care for the other person genuinely, without having to force myself to remember.....)

My heart has turned cold.....during these 4 days, I did not even think of my family or my friends....I just allow myself to focus at work, and then cry on my hotel room at night and then start working again the next day.

Crying in a hotel room is so therapeutic yet ths effect is losing its power day by day....and one day, crying will have no purpose of therapy anymore...scary.

What kind of a disciple am I? How would Jesus look at me today? My heart is so dry.....

so what if I miss some people, somethings I loved so much? God simply wants me to love HIM, allow me to be loved by others and for me to love others.

I pray for tomorrow to be a day when I can love, love everything, the MRT, the clouds, the fact that I have a reason to live; because I do not have a valid reason to die as yet.

I pray; for him, for them, for mom, for dad, for bro, for Joanne, for Liqin.

I pray, for a heart to love everyone I meet again.

It doesn't matter if the interaction point is short, what happens is I sincerely give my heart to everyone and love like I have never loved before.

Love always wins; with this, I believe I can work in anywhere, with anyone. Sincerely, I work with an attitude of striving to believe in everyone, and unsure if I should continue with this, I think I will just keep loving.

I confess I have no energy or motivation to love anything now, and all I feel daily is that aching feeling of grief; enormous amount of grief, that noone shares, yet I wish to travel again, travel to all parts of this world, before I pass this world.

Dear God, I wish I can turn back time, I have never thought about wanting to turn back time, no matter how sad things are, yet this time, I am struggling so deep to be human.

Dear God, I do not wish to be spoonfed or be given special treatment, I just want to see your will for me, in this 'heartbrokenness'.

Dear God, I am not very thankful today, but I wish to end my day with a thanksgiving.

You love me, and I wana be able to say that this is all I need.......

后记：想念149-155天

2009-02-14T23:11:00.000-08:00

3月17 - 23 日2008年

Perhaps GOD gave me this ability to be open to my bosses.
My new boss gave me a book her sister wrote; for we talked about our interests during the trip.

I was as in awe with her abilities as much as I felt towards Trevor, Bro and him.
For they played a great part in my perception of leadership at work.

And this job has exposed me to leading a small team, of which I am starting to feel insecure and pressurised.

And for the first time, I felt lonely.
The loneliness of having noone to send an sms whenever something exciting happened during work or when a challenge is overcome.

I used to be able to text Trevor or Bro or him; and these were memorable smses that stored in my heart.

And I don't think it is possible to erase these immediately.

For these allowed me to feel belonged to a team; and again, GOD is using this phase to get me to acknowledge my own weaknesses, that I wanted to give to others yet unaware of my needs for others' love and concern to fill up my drying love bank.

Yes, I still value my dreams and am determined to be someone who can keep giving to others who need help; and this value translated to my actions and attitude towards the people I meet at work.

My heart leapt whenever I served an enquiry well; and convert it into an application.
My heart jumped whenever I was able to serve the agents; and reassured them that this Arts institution is still going strong, and that the new International team under us will be great.

For I am serious about every task given to me; just that suddenly, I feel drained of the past energy I had.
I no longer know how to be happy at work; though I was satisfied.

The days of crying every week started.....
(in one of the roadshows at KC, I was reminded of the Career Fair I was involved in, where we both found out we found solace in the airport)

My heart literally amazed and stopped beating when I heard that. It was during the night where we had the welcome dinner for John, after the last day of Career Fair 2007.
It was a night where I had a strange feeling....I did not take his car home, and took a taxi home after the dinner.

For I did not wish to fall in love with my boss.
Or maybe this was the day I did so.

Haha.

I fell in love with my boss.
And it was a beautiful feeling; for we like our strengths and shared our weaknesses and encouraged each other's walk with GOD.

I miss sharing my walk with GOD with him and Bro.

For they love GOD the same way I did.
And I still love everyone the same, and even more.

后记：想念133 - 138天

2009-02-14T22:57:00.000-08:00

3月 14,15,16日2008年

Wow, I actually got to travel to Medan in my 2nd week.
To meet the Medan agents and participate in a roadshow for student recruitment.

Excited.
And I wish I can share this with Bro and him.

He often shared about his trips; to Thailand, Chengdu, Indonesia, Philippines, even the States.
During those times when he shared these and added a comment of 'tired'; at heart, I felt for him and wanted so much to let him know that he will not fight alone again; for I respect his love for his work and desire to make the school the best school in this field; to build a brand noone can undertake.

For we were Marketing co-mates in Nanyang; just that we were 1 year apart.

Perhaps we had attended a same lecture before.
Maybe.

Back in the hotel after the 1st 2 days' hard work, I cried.
And suddenly, I realise these tears were all along part of me since the day I left the company of Bro and him, and her.

Tears of missing 2 friends so dear yet unsure of how to place them in my heart now; or reach them now.

For I told Bro I wish I could move on to another workplace but KEEP the team spirit we had.

The tears made me discover the childlikeness in me;
For I just want a family to walk through life's ups and downs with me.
For I had always been positive to abide to GOD's rules where Life is; and that I have learnt to be contented in any and every situation, be it in need or in plenty.

Yet I cannot cope with the loss of intangible valuables in my life.

I did not cry the last time I lost my HP or lost some cash or any tangible things.
For I always know I can retrieve and replace these.

Then why did I not treasure these 2 friends whom I know I love?

I will do it GOD's style; keep loving, without expecting to be loved in return anymore.

For they loved me a lot in 2007.

Thank you Bro.
I miss you a lot more during this trip.

后记：想念133 - 138天

2009-02-14T22:42:00.000-08:00

3月 8 - 13日2008年

First week at new job is exciting.
Somehow, everyday is filled with 'Yes, this is the best wait ever...'

I can't explain to others what I wanted, for only GOD knows what I was searching for and what suits me in this phase.

*I recalled in 06 when I decided to leave the familiar non-profit sector; a place that I have declared it to be my destiny (for I have prepared myself to walk a path of serving people in need since 18), my heart was in ??????

I cried a lot at Terminal 1, praying for a direction.
But after every cry, GOD soothes my soul with beautiful clouds and sunsets.

And it was at the moment Bro appeared.

Like the big sister who reached out to me at NTU, to bring me to GOD, Bro 'saved' my directionless.

Bro was a prayer answered.
The media school was a mirror of my career/life journey.

Simple.
That was why I gave my heart to the school and to these 2 bosses.

And I told them reactively when I left;.....for I can't bear to leave them.

Friends, someone told me they will come and go.
To me, these friends live in my heart everyday......

And I'll find a way to love them from afar, be it a greeting during festive, a recorded sermon for him to encourage him, a flower during Teachers' day, a book for Bro, a pack of Tea from every travel....

I owe where I am to them.

Thank you.

后记：想念119 - 125天

2009-02-14T09:56:00.000-08:00

2月 25,26,27,28,29日2008年

It is the Leap Year; 2008.

Feb 25: Had a tough yet assuring 2nd interview with the CEO....that feeling before the session was all about:
'How nice if I could meet him when I start work here, his house is a few steps away from McNally Street'

LASALLE offered me the position of Marketing Manager (International) on Feb 26.
The package was not what I asked for.

It was twice of what I expected.
GOD gave it to me.

*Nothing can describe the excitement of getting hired and appreciated for my skills; the belief that despite my fresh experiences in PEOs, I could move on to a middle management position within a year after leaving the non-profit sector*

Nothing can explain except GOD's hands protecting me and giving me all these blessings; of which I believed in yet was uncertain of in the last 3 months.
The tears shed during the last few months were worth it; for those tears spoke of my self-awareness of my recklessness and rudeness and lack of love that resulted in a friendship drifting further and further away.

My world used to be just fighting hard to achieve the dreams I believe GOD planted in my heart; money is always secondary and tangible things can be earned if lost, and that it does not matter if noone really says he will love me for who I am...

Yet in these few months of solitude, I yearn for someone to say he does appreciate me....

Appreciate me as a friend.

Dear Bro, I am happy to be given this chance to learn more about education marketing; and I'll get to travel too.
And I believe in time, this might lead me to my first dream too; to work for an INTL NGO in fundraising and marketing.

Marketing MSF is still very important to me....
Yet I have been rejected by MSF 3 times directly.

I wish to let you know; I owe you for this position.
And I will continue to work hard for the media school showed me a 2nd direction I can move to, if Dream 1.0 fails.

I do hope to know if you ever believed that I wanted to market the school, and not say give up.
I do hope that you believe my heart, even though the outcome is not what we all hope for....

I will never forget my promise to you; that I will still do my best in advocating animation.

For my life is not complete without animation. For you are an animated figure who made me laugh all the time.

I miss you brother.

后记：想念112 - 118天

2009-02-14T09:40:00.000-08:00

2月 18,1 - 24日2008年

Interestingly, GOD really answered my prayers.
2 design schools rang me up for marketing positions.

Had a first interview with LASALLE on 22 Feb. Had a quick cry before the interview for I was feeling dry and lousy and directionless.
And the aches of missing bro and him made it difficult to focus.

But amazingly, GOD was with me during the interview. I spoke as if he was by my side; and everything he taught me came in uesful during the interview.
I spoke of marketing arts education with Passion, Drive and focusness.

For he spoke about PASSION FOCUS DRIVEN all the time.
He was not aware how much that impacted and inspired me.

For I prayed to meet such a team partner before....
and I met him in 06 only to make him disappointed in 07.

Dear Bro, I am not sure if LASALLE is it; but this is the ONLY and first interview after leaving the media school that made my heart beat and certain that:

THIS IS IT.

On the same day on 22 Feb, HR rang me for a 2nd interview the following monday.

*My heart thrilled.

For I am certain this is what I have been searching for, after I made a mistake leaving the media school; or rather, left because of my own insecurities; that I could no longer add value to her though I fell in love with her.

In love with her so much that I was ready to give up my dreams for her.

I thank 3dsense after the interview; for she led me to this opportunity.
(It was a wish to work for LASALLE, even before I went to 3dsense; and GOD seems to have it all planned out...)

GOD wanted me to fall in love at 3dsense
and understand the operations of a private school
so that I could know my strengths and weaknesses

My weaknesses lie in always falling in love with a workplace as if it is a personal friendship and relationship.

I miss Kok Sen a lot more this week yet wish to tell him all these miraculous encounters in my interviews and job searching (soul searching).

What a mess I am in....
I simply just miss 2 friends whom I fell in love with

What a fool I've been....

后记：想念105 - 111天

2009-02-14T09:31:00.000-08:00

2月 12,13,14,15,16,17,18日2008年

Dear bro,

This year's birthday is so different from 07's.
The charity birthday concert in 07 gave me a new feeling of which I had never felt before.
I thought it was going to last forever.....

It was love.

This week is friendship week; jobless, directionless still, I do believe that GOD will lead me to something suitable very soon.
No sights yet FAITH requires plain belief.

I believe.
I still believe, that Bro and him will love me for who I am despite the misunderstanding.

I am 29 officially.

(I sent the CD of beautiful powerpoint slides to 10 friends whom I value; and cousin Yi replied me with an sms that made my tears flow; for she said she will wish to know me again, and be there for me.

Very touched.

Indeed, GOD said; Love and give and you'll receive more.
My brithday wish is to keep believing in what I believe in.

True love never dies.
And my love for dreams, valued friends will always live.

I miss the school a lot this week.

后记：想念98- 104天

2009-01-18T04:27:00.000-08:00

2月 5 - 11日2008年

The airport has become a ‘must go’ place for me these days. And it amazes me how much I miss Bro and ZW.
For everytime I sit at Terminal 3, where the sunrays shine directly via the 999 roof openings (cool, Green ), my heart feels a sharp pain that is unknown to me before.

For I have never lost anything so valuable and dear to my heart in the last 20+ years of my tiny life.
And my prayers begin to sound like this whenever I pray at Terminal 3 (it’s a place where God speaks to me):

Thank God for teaching me how to love the correct way via this incident.
Thank you Bro, for accepting me and loving me for who I am.

His name is Kok Sen.
And I miss him a lot a lot.

后记：想念83-89天

2009-01-11T02:55:00.000-08:00

1月22-28日2008年

Jobsearch is getting slow.....

And so many questions in my head and noone seems to be able to answer these
*Should I take up the offers by Yellow Brick Road (Oasis)?....
*Should I take a pay cut (what? ...even lower than charity work)......

I am trying so hard to let go of my Dream 1.0, and be realistic to venture to a new area; but I seemed to have failed else I would not need to leave my previous job where I fell in love with...

Too late..........

Or is it just the beginning?

Lord God, I just want to work in a scope that builds me to excel in a career in professional fundraising with an International NGO.
And I do not need a lot of money; just enough to feed myself, give my family my duty of support......

I do not desire material comfort, I do not even want to buy a house in future.....

For like the Israelites; I am prepared to wander for the rest of my life; if indeed it is my destiny to be a free lance marketing professional doing ad-hoc fundraising assignments.
But if I so know what I want to pursue; then why are there no opportunities for me to fulfill this dream in Singapore?

And if I were to change my goals/dreams, what can they be?
Education?
And where? Which PEO? For Who?

For I am used to working for God and my brothers in that 1 year.

*For by now, my heart still speaks clear of my first love.

And strangely, Love 2.0 seems to have taken over Love 1.0.

And he IS part of Love 2.0.
And I wrote him a love letter.

a few to be exact.

(Why is this friend ignoring me?.....he is supposed to be around if I need help; he said so....and I believed it very much, very seriously)

Sighed.

For he is like family too.

(I appreciate Bro so much for his random replies still.....to encourage me...and one thing he always tells me is

FOLLOW YOUR HEART

...............................)

And my heart says

Keep trying
Keep finding him

后记：想念76 - 82天

2009-01-11T02:18:00.000-08:00

1月15-21日2008年

Did some silly stuff; wrote some heartfelt words to communicate

我觉得当时很不对
不要不更我好
朋友嘛

吵架
也可以讲和？

And much words wrote of a request of '5 min' to say a word of apology personally.
Simple.

Restitution.
God's style.
May I?

If the process of finding this friend is a Marketing campaign; the brief writes:

Objective: Ask this friend out for 5 min
Theme: Sorry friend, can we friend each other again
Duration: Never-ending
Channels: Letters, cards, email (stopped...), tokens

Chinese New Year is coming; how I wish I can close this chapter........

And WHY AM I MISSING this person more than I thought I will, and WHY is he in my mind and heart everyday?

It is a strange feeling; for he was just an ex-colleague......

Or was he just so?

He was a brother too.

后记：想念61天

2009-01-01T05:06:00.000-08:00

12月31日2007年

Today is the last day of 2007; an incredible year.

I sent an invitation to meet him today; so that I can close the year without regrets.....

for I believed that his silence is a result of my reactive behavior; of what then happened at work; the last leap of work; work at the school that became my new direction and inspiration.
I cried, on the day I gave Bro the letter; for 3 hours at the rooftop of National Museum.

And what comforted me then was the hope that we could continue to fight life's challenges together, 3 of us, as friends.

Pure friends who aspire to follow GOD.

How wonderful I thought.
And it soothed me to know that I can perhaps then continue to care for Bro and justin, from afar, and that my feelings would be less complexed; for it was really a challenge to set my heart right when we worked together; for they were Bosses, superiors, authority and that no matter how open and forthcoming in their friendship, I took a step back always, for I was afraid of mixing personal and work.

Especially towards justin.

While I was unable to be totally open with him at work, he always gave me a sense of vulnerability to be open and honest with him in every other aspect of my life; from family, to personal struggles.

He was like a best friend, a family, of whom has by now filled up more than 50% of my heart.
For I am grieved today that I have lost sight of a good friend.

And a friend I wish to fall in love with.

For I prayed and wrote in my diary 10 years ago, to meet a friend like him who loves Sammi as much as I do......)

Thank you, Justin.

后记：想念32天

2009-01-01T02:56:00.000-08:00

12月2日2007年

Today is Bro and his girlfriend's wedding.I went, because I love both of them very much.
He said I am very much like her; strong, independent, brave to pursue our dreams.And he said I am very much like sister because he does not have one, and that I understand what he says most of the time.
I wish to say: At this point in time, besides my real family, besides GOD, besides my best friend Pei, he is the person I wish to keep loving forever the most....

Love as for pure love's sake; agape, unconditional love.

Bro taught me so many things in 2007.

He has been so patient with me; and I let him down in some ways too....and I blame myself quite a bit for not being able to be more persevering to assist him the way he wished I could.

For I wanted to fly; and see the world.

Yet, I also know that the consequences of parting would mean a drift in the friendship GOD gave us.

Or rather, gave me.

GOD gave this friendship to me unexpectedly, and I am not willing to let go of it just like this.

Can he love me the same way as we worked together again?

Probably no.......it was the biggest concern,and fear when I decided to leave.

Sighed. And noone really knows how insecure I would be again, after leaving Bro.

For he was my guiding light for this year.

And I actually dreamt that he could be my guiding hand for the rest of my life.

Strange ya?

留给这世上我最爱的人
星消失午夜天最后和你哭著痴情心今天請你谅解經不了考驗她即使有弱點卻愿和我夸步走前心偏偏多配合點彼此掛牽留給這世上我最愛的人留低什么似熱吻今天起你獨自生活要多珍重不要感灰暗離開這世上我最愛的人从此不必掛念我不必遮掩命運不幸愛可不是恋挽
這一双破落心偶遇浮生仿若星辰彼此印象中陌生终于也走近哭星飄過夜深再度撩起失落心辰心偷偷給你抓緊祝福這生留給這世上我最愛的人留低什么似熱吻今天起你獨自生活要多珍重不要感灰暗離開這世上我最愛的人从此不必掛念我不必遮掩命運不幸愛可不是恋挽孤單的心愛的只是我我却爱她一个人無緣留下缺陷留給這世上我最愛的人留低什么似熱吻今天起你獨自生活要多珍重不要感灰暗離開這世上我最愛的人从此不必掛念我不必遮掩命運不幸愛可不是恋挽
I sat with the PT lecturers and had fun eating the whole night, and drinking. I wished I could be drunk.
I did not see ZW the whole night; and as usual I saw his brother and we smiled.
That's all.
此时此刻的心情是：从此以后，就会是一个局外人要继续爱，也得从远处主嘱咐我，一定要爱
爱着这个感动我一年，却永远令我怀念的大哥
Bro，谢谢你！

（*他传了一个简讯给我：Thanks for coming today:) see you when I see you again...)
How can I find him and the other Him again?I do not wish to be holding on to their love; yet in this lonely 1 year when everyone else seems to be busy and far away, their love sustained me, and built me up.

I am officially LOST again.

后记：想念31天

2009-01-01T02:46:00.000-08:00

12月1日2007年

Paprika 决定给我一个Trial的机会。。。
我因不因该接下这份Account Servicing 的工作呢？

心里的不安，来自外在的声音，大家似乎在说：
慧卿，你不适合在那样复杂的环境中工作，你
不行的！

主的声音越来越渺小。。。

有谁听得见我内心的荒，畏，惧，落，伤，独，小，闷，盼

我其实还是拥有一颗火热的心的
而我还在担心明天是否可以更他说话
好好的

我只想和他郑重地道歉与告别
好想哭又

后记：想念27,28,29,30天

2009-01-01T02:39:00.000-08:00

11月26-30日2007年
These 4 days in this week were draggy; and lonely.
I was at the airport daily; and mostly at T1’s Pacific Coffee Corner to use the free computer since I do not have a laptop.
Besides looking at the job sites, I spent most of my time wondering when would I be able to hear from him again?

And I decide to put on make-up to conceal my weariness and lost heart from now onwards.
Make-up is not a scary thing afterall; and I am happy to buy my first perfume from Clique, and first foundation pact and blusher.
I have a BIG problem figuring out what comes first, what comes next.
Sighed again.

I am a clumsy *woman*
What have I been doing in the past? It seems that this is actually a good learning curve, for me to understand more about this world, and the limitations within me and the flaws I have, yet not willing to give up or give in for I believe in my own strengths too.
I believe in my never-say-die spirit (and am wondering if then this means I can forever believe that I stand a chance to rebuild/reconnect a friendship with him I screwed up?...or did I even screw up anything?....)
And I believe in my genuine concern and love for people and God.
For I cannot imagine living life without God today.
And I am living life these days without him hearing me anymore. It feels weird, a first kind of ‘deep grief as if a family member has left my life forever and there seems no more hope to hear from this person again’.
I am unsure what this feeling really is.

But I am beginning to come to terms that I have actually grown to like this person, a little more than I felt for Bro.
I like and love them both, but I worry more for ZW than for Bro; and everything that concerns ZW seems to have concerned me too...
(his burdens, his downs, his pains(back), his meals, his worries for the school....I always wished I could be there always to share his burden, as he carried some of mine this year...)

The stupidest *Confession* ever made in history
*……for I made a stupid yet genuine confession few weeks ago…yet unsure of what that could lead to; I felt silly and upset….*
For love is not blind; there is a reason why we fall in love and my reason is simple:
I think I like him (for the last 6 months) because he allows me to fall in love with him and he is like a best friend who allows me to be free to speak my heart and being with him just made days happy and secured.
And I never had this feeling before.
And it is not even a feeling as I think more deeply now. It was and is a decision, to continue to love him from afar even as our identities changed.
For I feel for his heart; even as he did not quite speak of its loneliness. I feel for its weariness whenever he came back from overseas work trips. I feel for its burden-ness when he displayed worriness during the time his brother’s girlfriend’s family member was hospitalized. I feel for its joy when he laughs…
And little did he know that all those times, my heart felt for his and every of my well wishes and little tokens was to encourage his heart because my heart admires his.
And even as I admired Bro too, it was an additional level of admiration that only God and I know about it.

And I always feel happy when he replied:)
And I am dreaming to meet this person again.

后记：想念26天

2009-01-01T02:35:00.000-08:00

11月26日2007年
Looked at Jobsdb.com.sg and Jobstreet.com.sg.
Looked at creative agencies and though not exactly confident that this kind of environment would suit me, I mass sent out my resumes to selected agencies for the position of Account Executive.

*For I still wish to build up a portfolio in marketing and communications to reach my ultimate goal; to be a professional marketer in a IO.
Yet it is so hard to articulate to people who do not really understand the complexities behind Marketing.For it is of extreme importance to gain a full knowledge of implementing marketing strategies and using a given budget to create the best mix of marketing resources to promote and drive sales for a company; be it a commercial business or non-profit.
At heart, I do respect the business principles applied at the NKF in her branding and communications and fundraising strategies; and I do hope to be able to use what I have learnt in school and interest (to promote community giving; to link people who are dying to give to those who are dying of help) to carve a career for myself.

But the main problem is; I am aware of the limited opportunities in Singapore.
How many IOs are here and how many local Non-profits look for Fundraising people? I am not keen to be just an ad-hoc ‘volunteer’ who sells Christmas cards to raise funds.
Fundraising can be of varied altitudes and arrogantly, I felt I know more than the people in the non-profit sector…..
(I actually dislike the branding campaigns and marketing efforts/materials of some local charities…..for they tarnished the principles of good marketing……)
Sighed; BUT never give up.

For I know I am blessed; I have a good education that brought me to know the world in a bigger way, and a diligent heart to work.
I have always loved working; loved it too much in fact....

I wish to cry again.
It is the beginning of Missing someone.....like never before.

后记：想念25天

2009-01-01T02:32:00.000-08:00

11月25日2007年
Willem sent me an email to inform me of my unsuccessful application.
I had prepared myself for this.
I thanked GOD for the opportunity; and cried……….

*My heart is really dead now. I am aware of my limitations and experiences and only Bro was direct enough to say that in dreams pursuit, we have to sacrifice many things……he is so right.
And I did agree with him all these months.*
Oh no, this means I cannot ask ZW for a time to say goodbye since I am rejected.
Oh GOD, not another rejection.
How many more rejections can I still take?

Like David, I sat down and cried about being rejected in the most genuine and simple wishes; yet also at the same time remember that GOD is the one in control and even as I do not feel that I have the capacity to endure so many rejections at the same time, I have to be brave to accept that GOD has better plans for me.
And I miss ZW again.

And I have to quickly find a new job for savings are running out….and my family does not know that I have left my job in search of 'one that suits my aspirations and skills'; for I have told them how happy I have been in this marketing job; away from donors’ stress, loneliness at work etc…and I do not wish to upset them or make them worry.

My parents were happy I was happy with my job in 2007.

Back to the airport to cry and at the same time send out resumes.

浪迹08: The Extravagant Trip for the Sea, Sky and Trees - Nippon 14 days

2008-12-31T10:49:00.000-08:00

3/4- Ending of 2008

maybe this is something all of us will encounter once in a lifetime- 'exodus'
running away for various reasons

I ran, to sleep, and eat fresher foods, and breathe fresher air, and to hear God clearer

(if I need to explain why this huge 'lost' and 'loss'; it started when I lost track of a pathway to grow towards my MSF fundraising dream, and it was worsen by an unexpected loss of friendships in the first commercial company I ever worked for in 06-07, and finally it did not help when my family lost a member- when bro and sis-in-law decided to file for separation in the same year...with noone expecting)

too many unexpected series of events happened in my little brave life in 2007-2008; and without a strong network of support (or refusal to seek support; unsure who could be there), the only thing I thought I could do was to heal myself, via travelling out....

without any pre-planning, after Hong Kong; I went to Tokyo and Osaka for 14 days....
I booked my hotels along the way, and ate whatever I saw, and played and prayed and searched with all my heart, mind, soul and strength

and the heart was in an explanable pain (like a growing pain experience) throughout the entire journey; there were tears in flight whenever a familiar song was played on the on-flight radio; there were tears before falling asleep daily; there were tears during every solo prayer with God at the bays

for I missed my ex colleagues (and having not settled some closure properly for the first time in a friendship) so much that I lost the entire direction of life;

dreams seem far away, and unimportant at this point near end 2008; it was almost 9 months after leaving my ex company, and I felt so depressed that crying was a daily affair.

some days can be humourous, some disaster...

but I believed with all my heart that by sweating and eating the right foods, and seeing new things on a trip like this, my heart will recover and I can regain my direction.

and how memorable this trip was
(and extravagant; I maxed out 3 cards, and came back with a resolution to restart....)

without a camera, these are where I left my 08 carbon footprint in...

it was a bitter-sweet journey; I grew up:)

浪迹08- The 3rd world countries

2008-12-30T04:01:00.000-08:00

March, May 2008

In a new job now; a new role, new challenges of managing a small team (my heart, was actually in grief and I never did seek any help....my only form of joy was to keep traveling during any long weekend there was-)

No wonder I did not last through; a chance came in end May for me to join the small leprosy group in Hong Kong, and May and June were extremely heavy 2 months to decide.

Interestingly, the scope nature allowed me to travel to the 3rd world countries; Indonesia Medan, and India (4 main cities).

It was like a soul searching time, but there was little peace; everyday after work (it was busy enough to distract me), I thought of my ex bosses and the old team...

I thought I am the only one crying because I miss an ex company of colleages and spirit-

Oh, but the sights in Medan were like Singapore in the 70s-80s. People live in communities, and in the little town, everyone seems to know everyone.

Kueh Lapis is the Medan proud product and I went with the flow to buy a box home.

Recruiting students from Medan to study Art in Singapore was my mission; and indeed, though grieved, I gave my mind to do my job well.

There was excitement randomly as well; but it was hard for me not to link the discoveries back to the old media school- many times, I wanted to simply pop up at my ex boss' office and share with him the new things in the new markets I was doing recruitment in.

It was a simple thought to just want to share what I have learnt, to help my ex company.

But it was just not possible to do so; in human terms, I had left the school, and it is no concern of mine anymore to share any form of market info with her.

That meant an unfinished romance with my ex company; how laughable, how silly, yet it was so difficult to stop caring for her/them.

I thought it was ok to continue loving an ex company that could not keep me but that's fine, we are still buddies right?

God said Love is to be unconditional and simple-

**************************************************************

This is an extract of my first personal email with my ex boss who hired me at the media school; to sum it up (you sure have heard, read much on my sharing these 4 years....)

It was a place I was destined to be in, for just 1 year

那一年幸福时光

我在珍惜

the problem with our mantra is, if you ask me. is that too many pple talksabout it..passion passion passion..passion focus driven.....dadada...even though i am the one who came out with these wholeconcept of pfd, my intention wasn't to have everyone recite it like apledge, just because u guys work here.i want pple not to read it and hang it on their lips..but live it in theirhearts. its not easy.

thats what i see in you..you are nonchalant about things..and u dun saythings for the sake of saying..u say it when u mean it.

i truly belief thatyou are meant to do meaningful things, because i can sense u truly care.about students who wrote email to complain..about students who are unsure ofstudying anymore...about our admin situation...about things here.....

I chanced upon this in my email when I was in India, Mumbai.

In the hotel (JW Marriott) where the recruitment event STB organised, where we stayed for a few days too, I found comfort in the sea once again.

It was a continuously rainy May season in Mumbai, and I longed so much for the sun to come out.

The breakfast was a great spread of intercontinental food; perhaps I had never been to many buffet breakfast spreads, I ate with 'all my heart, soul and strength, and mind'-

Laughs!

Good solid food has now become my comfort friend; everytime I said grace before eating, I could think for a second of my ex boss and his team, and wonder how they are doing.

In my journey to Mumbai, I lost my Nokia 3330; it slipped out of my bag, and I was lucky to retrieve it back- the crew from Jetairways sent it back to my room in JW Marriott; amazing!

Inside this phone, it contains all the smses my ex bosses sent me; it was plain words of 'assurance, understanding, appreciation, and encouragements'-

It was the first time I reckon the privilege of being equipped with resources (aka well to do). I am not rich at this point, but I am very happy to have a pay rise from my last job.

It was pay rise I never imagined, never asked for, never desired.

God gave me $1000 more from my last drawn salary. I am not sure if I deserve it; at age 29, I was not confident of myself yet.

But this is a good start I believe; as painful as it felt.

***************************************************************

this was also the same time the US was holding their Presidential Elections 2008.

and in my room after work one evening, I watched the farewell speech of Hillary Clinton's campaign- she just lost the fight, but her words encouraged me to tears

the crying was still on as part of my grief towards losing a team of friends that I would like to keep for life (hmm, for a big fault on my part, I lost them...and I could not know how to revive the friendships again, but in my heart daily, I prayed and believe that one day, when time is right, I could visit them again)

and I thank God that night for leading me to CNN to listen to Hillary Clinton- it changed my heart a little (and way more than I thought so...I'll revisit this in 2011:)

Thank you all very much. I -- I am so honored to be here tonight. You know, I -- I'm here tonight as a proud mother, as a proud democrat, as a proud Senator from New York, a proud American, and a proud supporter of Barack Obama.

My friends, it is time to take back the country we love. And whether you voted for me or you voted for Barack, the time is now to unite as a single Party with a single purpose. We are on the same team, and none of us can afford to sit on the sidelines. This is a fight for the future and it's a fight we must win together.

I haven't spent the past 35 years in the trenches -- I haven't spent the past 35 years in the trenches advocating for children, campaigning for universal health care, helping parents balance work and family, and

No way, no how, no McCain.

Barack Obama is my candidate, and he must be our President. fighting for women's rights here at home and around the world to see another Republican in the White House squander our promise of a country that really fulfills the hopes of our people. And you haven't worked so hard over the last 18 months or endured the last eight years to suffer through more failed leadership.

后记：想念24天

2008-12-28T05:45:00.000-08:00

11月24日2007年

会新的那天。
又因思念在机上哭了。。。
还好，有On Flight Entertainment.

*Dear God, what am I going to do? What job will I land myself in?
ZW is right; I did believe him that if the pursuit for a ‘dream job’ is so tough, then it could mean that GOD is not FOR it; that it is NOT HIS plan for me, and that I could give myself a chance to ‘fall in love’ with another industry, with real people….and be encouraged by people.

He is right. For I allowed my heart to fall for his.

And I did not allow him to know until the day our identities changed.
And I miss him a lot a lot with an indescribable feeling….(like what Jasmine sang to Aladdin in WHOLE NEW WORLD…..)

For he is the first person to lead me to a whole new world.

And strangely, I felt a soothing peace at heart when I recalled the times we made fun of each other and spoke ‘unkind’ words only to know truly that we cared genuinely for each other.

Was I dreaming all those times?

后记：想念23天

2008-12-28T05:23:00.000-08:00

11月23日2007年

Today is my interview with my dream organisation; Doctors without Borders, Hong Kong (Medicins Sans Frontieres).
www.msf.org.hk

I took the MTR to Sheung Wan and walked towards Wing Lok Mall to take a Tram to Pacific Plaza in Des V (西环)
Was not a smooth journey. But thank God for my good sense of directions….

I wore black stockings, and the skirt Windsor, Diana, Chiu and Ila bought for me in 2007; and a black blouse from G2000.

It was a small office, but neatly organized.
I finally saw my interviewer; Willem.

Wow. What a handsome dutch guy; charismatic.

The interview started with Willem and Dick shortly; and bombarded I was, with string of questions of why was I so interested with MSF, and what sort of skills do I possess to contribute to this position etc etc.
I was ill-prepared; for I had no confidence at all, yet came bravely to let God decide.

Should you call this Faith or Naiveness?

It is the beginning of my confusion between having Faith and being too naïve……
After an hour and half session of interview; I could feel the vibes of Dick (The Director) that was not exactly good.
We had lunch together.

I was surprised yet had some fun dining in-house with the rest of the MSF staff. They actually have a custom of having lunch together and guess what?
Their lunch is specially cooked by a house-lady; like our cleaning office auntie.
What a nice concept I thought!
(I would like to bring this concept back, if I start my own company one day; provide meals for my staff!)

Food. It is at this instance also that I realized that Food has always been the bonding element for community living…….
For I am not really a food lover; yet I can never forget the meals with the people with 3dsense….especially meals in Tokyo.
And certainly not that dinner ZW bought for me and Windsor; at Sushi Don opposite Paradiz Centre.

After lunch, I had another grueling session (part 2 of the interview) with the rest of the Human Resources Team.
This HR team consists of a Malaysian, a Filipino and a Hong-Konger. And they shot me questions that I could not answer….
(How long does it take to apply a visa for a Filipino etc….)

The role of this position is to assist in the administrative and operational processes of helping the recruited field medical professionals to get their visas ready to work in the allocated missions areas like Kenya and Indonesia etc.

Honestly, at that moment, I knew I was going to fail the interview.
Not equipped with much international travel knowledge; and not having done enough homework, I can only accept my lack of skills needed for this position.

MSF. Stands for Medicins Sans Frontieres.
A legendary organisation that I have heard of since a child growing up since 1997); today, GOD brought me here, and I see for myself what humanitarian and international work really means.
It is not an easy environment to thrive in; the fast pace, the demands and the frequent use of harsh and coarse words at times…(they called it the ‘F’ word…).
Well, styles, I learnt that the world out there operates at a style that is not the same as mine. I realize that my harmonious/meek character might not be the most suitable to survive in such an environment afterall.
And I choose to accept GOD’s plan for me; even though I still hope that there is a 5% of being selected for the job due to my passion.

But how far does passion lead us?
I have seen for my own eyes how far passion has led some of the students of the media school; and certainly the founder and his partner.

I believed in them and still do, very much.

For it has only been barely a month since I last saw them.
I did not even get to see ZW or say goodbye to him for the last time…..and it is still on my mind; to bid him goodbye….
For I realize I did not only leave a job. I left a good friendship drifting away……

And it was a naïve thought that maybe should I get this chance to work in Hong Kong; then I could perhaps have the excuse/reason to ask him out to say goodbye.

After the interview ended, finally at 4plus, I took some information booklets and decided that a copy must be sent to bro when I get home.

For bro listened to my dreams on MSF for the past 1 year.
And I felt so secured and happy listening and being part of his for the same 1 year…..
Feeling dejected, rejected, lousy, lost on my next path, and sad about not being able to see ZW again, I went on to Disneyland to catch the evening fireworks.

********************************************
Hong Kong Disneyland sets off fireworks nightly at 8pm; and fireworks are one of my favourite inspiratants.
And I left Disneyland crying…….for fireworks remind me of how beautiful some friendships can be; yet we all have to grow up to realize that nothing lasts forever; not even the best friendships or family kinships.
For we will all pass away from this world one day; and until that day comes, we are supposed to treasure every moment we have with our loved ones.

I knew this theory from head since young yet when the reality comes for me to accept it, it is painful…….

*Walt Disney watched my tears flow at his themepark tonight......in his arms, I feel secure.

A SPECIAL COVERAGE on an MSF staff who died on field work: She was 29.
taken from MSF HK website:

Hélène de Beir
Hélène de Beir, 29, fought with passion for the rights of people worldwide. After her studies in International Relations and Law in Washington, Bologna and Brussels she specialised in humanitarian issues. She worked as Humanitarian Affairs Officer for MSF-Holland in Ivory Coast and Iraq before becoming a Project Coordinator in Badghis, Afghanistan in May 2004. Through her enormous commitment and desire to act she became a driving force in a difficult project. Hélène¡¦s positive personality and cheerfulness made her a much loved colleague. Behind her youthful appearance was a strong woman who knew exactly what she wanted. Hélène would have celebrated her 30th birthday on the 16th June. Her death has hit us hard. Our thoughts are with her family and boyfriend.

后记：想念32天 - 留给这世上我最爱的人

2008-12-28T04:58:00.000-08:00

12月2日2007年

Today is Bro and his girlfriend's wedding.
I went, because I love both of them very much.

He said I am very much like her; strong, independent, brave to pursue our dreams.
And he said I am very much like sister because he does not have one, and that I understand what he says most of the time.

I wish to say: At this point in time, besides my real family, besides GOD, besides my best friend Pei, he is the person I love the most....

留给这世上我最爱的人

星消失午夜天
最后和你哭著痴情
心今天請你谅解經不了考驗
她即使有弱點
卻愿和我夸步走前
心偏偏多配合點彼此掛牽
留給這世上我最愛的人
留低什么似熱吻
今天起你獨自生活
要多珍重不要感灰暗
離開這世上我最愛的人
从此不必掛念我
不必遮掩命運不幸愛可不是恋挽

這一双破落心
偶遇浮生仿若星辰
彼此印象中陌生终于也走近
哭星飄過夜深
再度撩起失落心辰
心偷偷給你抓緊祝福這生
留給這世上我最愛的人
留低什么似熱吻
今天起你獨自生活
要多珍重不要感灰暗
離開這世上我最愛的人
从此不必掛念我
不必遮掩命運不幸愛可不是恋挽
孤單的心愛的只是我
我却爱她一个人無緣留下缺陷
留給這世上我最愛的人
留低什么似熱吻
今天起你獨自生活
要多珍重不要感灰暗
離開這世上我最愛的人
从此不必掛念我
不必遮掩命運不幸愛可不是恋挽

I sat with the PT lecturers and had fun eating the whole night, and drinking. I wished I could be drunk.

I did not see ZW the whole night; and as usual I saw his brother and we smiled.

That's all.

此时此刻的心情是：从此以后，就会是一个局外人
要继续爱，也得从远处
主嘱咐我，一定要爱

爱着这个感动我一年，却永远令我怀念的
大哥

K。S
谢谢你！

（*他传了一个简讯给我：Thanks for coming today:) see you when I see you again...)

How can I find him and the other Him again?
I do not wish to be holding on to their love; yet in this lonely 1 year when everyone else seems to be busy and far away, their love sustained me, and built me up.

I am officially LOST again.

Christmas 2008：寂寞圣诞

2008-12-24T07:38:00.000-08:00

又是圣诞节
2007年的；在T1

2008年的；在T3

心比去年的还冷
喝了一瓶 Ginger Beer 来取暖

如果有人煮一碗热喷喷的红豆给我，将是今年圣诞最棒的礼物：）

还没好好的感受
雪花绽放的气候
我们一起颤抖
会更明白什么是温柔
还没跟你牵著手
走过荒芜的沙丘
可能从此以後学会珍惜
天长和地久
有时候有时候
我会相信一切有尽头
相聚离开都有时候
没有什么会永垂不朽
可是我有时候
宁愿选择留恋不放手
等到风景都看透
也许你会陪我看细水长流
(music)
还没为你把红豆
熬成缠绵的伤口
然後一起分享
会更明白相思的哀愁
还没好好的感受
醒著亲吻的温柔
可能在我左右
你才追求孤独的自由
有时候有时候
我会相信一切有尽头
相聚离开都有时候
没有什么会永垂不朽
可是我有时候
宁愿选择留恋不放手
等到风景都看透
也许你会陪我看细水长流

依旧是机场
但它成长了
我也是

刚才，听到一对情侣在争吵
在餐厅的，也是一对对的情侣

我很不同
也很勇敢

在佳节佳人出双入对的日子

我还是不当宅女
祝你

圣诞快乐！

后记：想念22天

2008-12-23T07:22:00.000-08:00

11月22日2007年

抵达香港
落脚在
远东帝豪酒店(Dorsett Far East Hotel)
香港九龙荃湾青山道135-143号

依旧，是从www.ratestogo.com 寻到的酒店

侠女的我居然单枪匹马带了几件衣物用品，一个Backpack 就来到香港
是我第6次来香港了。。。

从机场到酒店迷路了。。。
还斗胆走小巷。。。

好累，好饿，好想念他们的呵护

睡前，心想。。。其实我并没有把握可以被入取。。。
但是，一切随缘吧

至少，我真的被无国界医生看上了
而我3次的求职居然打动他们给我一个面试的机会

感恩
（心里那份忧伤，自责没有消失。。。）

后记：想念22天

2008-12-21T01:48:00.000-08:00

11月22日2007年

今天决定到学校去交待一些没有交代清楚的工作；其实，我很不开心，因为，觉得真的有交代的清楚，还花心思去做一份详细的HandOver Report。。。

为什么每一次的离职会伤感？
为什么每一次的离职会背负HandOver 的压力？

奇怪的。。。上一次在Youth Centre 也是背负着被许多不属于我的任职的压力HandOver。。。
坦白的，我带着不甘心。。。离开。。。

而我是多么欣赏这所学校啊！
我居然在不久前；十月初恋上她！
她必须成长，颇求可以从起步开始跑
而我认定自己不是那位可以帮她跑的员工

因为我想飞的更远

知足。。。我一直以为自己是个知足的人
不求名利，金钱
但求有人会欣赏我

原来，我太没有自信了。。。
所以一直想活在‘帮人’的处境里；做许多慈善活动；虽然是开心的，但是顿时，这些似乎不那么重要了。。。

因为心里只有一个念头

找一个机会道歉
好好的

因为珍贵的友谊快消失了！

*他没有理我；我带着眼泪搭乘36号巴士到机场乘搭国泰航空去香港面试。。。心想；希望可以成功，那么就可以借此找他说

对不起
和

再见
会一直思念你（们）

后记：想念21天

2008-12-20T23:31:00.000-08:00

11月21日2007年

奇怪的。。。

我居然还在想为无国界医生组织作一些宣传；发了一个电子邮件给MSF HongKong。上个星期。
想在29岁生日再搞一个慈善生日会,为Doctors Without Borders（MSF）做一些Publicity。
我甚至想；把它的15年难民图展运到新加坡来让道地的人认识那部在电视上看到的“生命动力”，原来是真实的一个国际医疗救援组织。

WOW。

2007年的生日会；他有来支持我。不知觉，在那时就觉得他很像亲人，知己，什么都可以跟他分享；除了内心的感触。。。

今天，手机竟然收到MSF HongKong 的电话。Willem， HR Director 邀请我到香港面试！
我不敢相信。。。

在Terminal 3 祈祷，眼泪不禁又流下。
祷告里；我对主说：

'Dear God, by Faith, I chose to face up to my bad decision; and have given up the contractual assignment with NVPC; because the scope of that position is not in marketing or sales; of which I NEED to grow in, in order to reach my dream (to work in an International NGO doing Marketing Communications).
Henceforth, I can only entrust the next step to your hands. I do not know where my next step/job will be.
I hope to get a job that suits me soon; and I hope to not just work for the sake of working, even though practicalities are bigger now.
I pray for peace, as I am not having peace now; and I am feeling very lost again, for it was a secured 1 year with the school and the family you gave me until I gave it up; for best of everyone's interest....
for I wanted to see the world; and expose to a higher level of marketing duties instead of admin roles.

Am I wrong Father? Am I discontented?
I do not wish to regret.
But I am feeling really really discouraged, jobless, lost, and Fears of losing the friendships that you gave me at the school, and some folly things said towards him whom I felt so much for; as a brother, a friend and someone more...

A friend I never dare to acknowledge when we worked together for he was someone higher; and I was happy to be able to serve him and encourage him for that 1 year in little things, little prayers.

I am unsure if I can still encourage him, serve him; for the answer is becoming clearer; that as we stop working together, our relationship would never be the same again.

And I am entrusting this pain of losing this friendship/comradeship to your hands.
And I need to cry now....'

http://www.msf.org.hk/online/photo_gallery/gz_exhibition/index_en.html

后记：想念21天

2008-12-20T23:28:00.000-08:00

11月21日2007年

有点过于难过；不吃不睡。。。是做错了什么吗？
我哭泣的对天空大哭了一场。。。。
毕竟，我只想做好一份工作，一直在每一份工作努力，付出泪水。。。离开时，都会因为太有感情而哭。。。
我没有随便只当一份工作是工作。。。我把它当成是生命。。。

好不容易找到。
又不见了。

我相信是自己的过错，不够好，付出不够多，忍耐不够多。。。
我懊悔。却不想往后看。

一直天真似的心想；等一个天亮，一个机会，还是可以表达心里想说的那份歉意与真心话
等。

后记：想念20天

2008-12-20T23:25:00.000-08:00

11月20日2007年

他静静的‘陪’我度过了07年的周末；对大嫂思念的眼泪也有他的安慰。。。

*送给他那张Sammi的CD；希望他继续支持Sammi，当然也希望有一天凭这张CD能再面。。。希望

后记：想念19天

2008-12-20T23:22:00.000-08:00

11月19日2007年

这就是人生吧？
奇妙的‘悲伤’；从来没有的遗失感愤怒的让我想把心里的最后为说完的话一一诉说。。。
哭了一整个下午。。。
（排队等有机场的电脑。。。）

又回到了Terminal 1。
06年10月，还为找到她之前也在那里度过周末。。。
原来，机场陪我走过了06至07一些难过得事。

*It is amazing...3D Animation...the techniques, the time, the brains needed to make one animation.

Still keeping myself aware of what this industry is about; for I realise I have fallen in love with Animation more!
When I miss him, all I can do is to watch an animation and laugh and be inspired and reminded of Hope.

Pure Hope that one day, he'll see me for 5 minutes.

后记：想念18天

2008-12-20T23:13:00.000-08:00

11月18日2007年

思念原来是这样的。。。。但，为什，么会天天不禁会想到与他工作的片断。。。
还有她

好想念, 但是，现实是，我必须学习面对自己的路，路是我选的

好想亲自说一声对不起
为什么会这么困难？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？

*山顶的夜景。。。为什么我会一直向往香港工作的机会？。。。因为，我不知道自己还可以追什么梦。。。
Hong Kong has a larger landscape of Non-governmental Organisations and if only I could have someone guide me to plan the path to reach a marketing communications position in MSF or Oxfam.
For I realise I enjoy advocating the work of humanitarian workers; and I enjoy the idea of linking donors to people in need.
But noone really knows I am not prepared to give up a monthly salary to just do missionary work in a 3rd world country.
And noone really knows that in NGO sector; it is a profession; not VOLUNTARY.
You need specific skills like marketing and sales, corporate communications, account management, and financial analysis skills to apply for a job in an NGO!!!

Only one person understood.
And I am afraid he'll be busy and forget me one day.........

I miss him.
He loves animation.
Animation is his life.
His life is about animation.

So is mine.

后记：想念17天

2008-12-20T23:08:00.000-08:00

11月17日2007年

开始更操心。。。不想让家人担心。
送了妈妈一个她中意的包包；心情也乐。

开始了；失眠。
脑子一直想; 他好吗？为什么要联系那么难？真的让他生气。。。
要怎样才可以有机会说：对不起，原谅我那几天的态度

如果是那样生我的气，那请你骂我，但不要不管我。。。。

*(Fell in love with the Art of Snih; a Japan Designer. Bought a few Postcards of Snih back; gave one to him...the one with Sunshine boy....
Strangely, my heart was thrilled when I found Snih's postcards at the shop outside Maihama JR Station, his designs represent Hope, Faith and Love and at that moment, I dreamt I could be the local distributor for Snih's cards....)
CACHOLOT

后记：想念16天

2008-12-20T23:05:00.000-08:00

11月16日2007年
不想告诉任何人内心的闷，迷失，忧郁。。。却发现。。。原来，人是需要别人的关心的。
我已无力再去爱护别人。

他说对了。。。

*Love Bank account ran dry....and strangely all the smses of encouragements strengthened me so much more after losing sight of this friend....*

(Totoro...one of my favourite Miyazaki films....it's essence is: Belief; Purehearted, keep believing in Magic, Love, People, Animals, Earth....Harmony)

后记：想念15天

2008-12-20T23:02:00.000-08:00

11月15日2007年

机场的日记。
寻找新工作的日记从这一刻开始了。
拥着满满的思念，不解，不懂得放下，加上一段离我越来越远的教会小组，顿时；我感觉被世界遗弃了。
眼泪从眼角不知不觉天天落下。
也开始了使用化妆品来掩饰那份焦虑，忧郁。

思念，在粉底之下被遮掩了
还是在寻找一个奇迹，希望。。。听他

也没有放弃与主的通话；突然，也更多时间听主的话语

*(Les Miserables; Fantine died, leaving Cosette alone. Eponine became her friend; and Maqrius fell in love with her Cosette while Eponine stood by Maqrius hoping for his love....and she died at the barricades....)

后记：想念14天

2008-12-20T23:00:00.000-08:00

11月14日2007年

为什么没有听到他的消息？他会用那份礼物吗？

等待。。。（不晓得为什么心里竟让感到有些被抛弃。。。）
朋友。。。吗？

后记：想念13天

2008-12-20T22:56:00.000-08:00

11月13日2007年

坦诚的向NVPC道歉；毕竟，这份工作的范围不适合自己定下的目标。
纵然有一些担心（我还是得吃饭啊；还得分担家里的一些开支。。。）

主似乎没有说不对；它说，任何决定都要勇敢去面对，纵然会有不如意，但信可以帮我们度过任何难关。

我茫然接受了。信

Evan Almighty is a powerful movie I like. Maybe you have not watched it.
It speaks of how Evan REALLY accepted GOD's commands to 'go build an ark' in the modern day.

And it is hilarious.
And I watched it alone at THE CATHAY too.

*Do you wana watch a movie with me next time? I hope someone will ask me to watch a movie. It has been a long time since anyone asked me for a movie.....I am always organising....*

后记：想念12天

2008-12-20T22:53:00.000-08:00

11月12日2007年

约了Janette。她对动画的热忱深深感动了我。我想帮她；她为了屋主的事心烦。一个女子独身在国外追梦，我虽然迷失，但，身体里的‘侠女’精神没有就此消失；我居然邀请她来我家暂住！

（天啊，还为问过妈妈。。。幸好，妈也是侠女族！）
她奉劝我：追求梦想，路途会有许多障碍，但必须坚持!

（‘大哥’也曾说过。。。）

让我记起 ‘跑吧，孩子’。。。我的哥哥其实很关心我

后记：想念11天

2008-12-20T01:52:00.000-08:00

11月11日2007年

迷失的心，还在不确定13日该不该前往NVPC。。。
（不想辜负那组人。。。）

在选择后退
（恐惧找不到合适工作而轻易接下NVPC的工作）
与想争取看世界，扩展自己在 Commercial World的目标之间

矛盾了几个星期

却无人明白

早就认定不要轻易放弃转向 Marketing 方向，为什么又要回头？？？

不要。。。

主无声。
我决定接受挑战。寻。

另一间PEO

我爱上了 Education Marketing
毕竟，我爱的东西不多

难得让我爱上了在学校工作的一群人
居然离我越来越远

后悔
后悔在那一刹那告白的
不清不楚

爱上了她
她给了我一生难忘的
回忆

她是动画的结晶
她将会是一个顶尖的学校

她永远在我心里

****

后记：想念10天

2008-12-20T01:49:00.000-08:00

11月10日2007年

伦与我搭不同班机；我一个人搭乘国泰航空的回程机回新。在ZUJI幸运购得的新币580东京/香港机票是件令我难以置信的事；主似乎赞成这一趟旅程

一断不可思议的寻心之旅

兴奋得希望他收到礼物会开心的使用它；毕竟，是连我自己也很喜欢的包包

*Art-Berg Do*

Airport Love

三三两两。生命动力

Missing the stop

4 years waiting at the airport

Living on BEYOND Ka Kui's spirit 4/30- 情人

Living on BEYOND Ka Kui's spirit 3/30- 光辉岁月

Terminal 2 Post Office: 誰願放手

Living on BEYOND Ka Kui's spirit 2/30- 遥远的Paradise

Living on BEYOND Ka Kui's spirit 1/30- 不再猶豫 No more hesitation

Remembering BEYOND 黄家驹 4/4: 再见理想

Remembering BEYOND 黄家驹 3/4 - Amani (not the brand oh)

Remembering BEYOND 黄家驹 2/4 -

Remembering BEYOND 黄家驹 1/4 - 多少次 迎着冷眼与嘲笑 从没有放弃过心中的理想

光辉岁月- 有BEYOND的歌伴我 這輩子不寂寞

Attending roadshows is still my core tasks Secret of my heart

真心對話——鄭秀文 Sammi Part 2

Grieved week - Hong Kong

你。我。他 You.Me.Him Part 2 - 值得

New Website powered by same energy call Passion

1010 days- Person-a

家乐-means happy family

Invisible Wings: ' We will always support you'

承诺- The Promise, The Hope - Sichuan Fundraiser

Earth Hour 2010- Live!

The final leapt

問我 ---- I. am who I am. He made me so: )

Money comes in after passion; why I disagree in hard selling

The art of direct sales - Amway at Yakun

How to motivate a Direct Sales Team

If today is the last day

Roadshows re-visited: The more we sell, the more we serve

我是不是该安静的走开

Best Buddy

Confirmation!

Farewell to Temp staff

We laugh during OTs....

Believe

Transformer(s) we are: Batam Budget Retreat

'Boyfriend' 1.0: can't live without 'him'

Retail Sales Team Biodata

True meaning of 'making a difference': Be nice to everyone.....

Before roadshows: Dreams 1.0 (Part1)- Runaway youths (me?)

Before roadshows: Dreams 1.0

Suntec Career Fair 09: Clash of the Titans

CDC Roadshow: Need water!

A day in the life of a SC (at roadshows)

1st roadshow: Tampines (a preview)

后记：想念210天

后记：想念209天

后记：想念193 - 207天

后记：想念166 - 192天

后记：想念165天

后记：想念164 天

后记：想念156 - 163 天

后记：想念149-155天

后记：想念133 - 138天

后记：想念133 - 138天

后记：想念119 - 125天

后记：想念112 - 118天

后记：想念105 - 111天

后记：想念98- 104天

后记：想念83-89天

后记：想念76 - 82天

后记：想念61天

后记：想念32天

后记：想念31天

后记：想念27,28,29,30天

后记：想念26天

后记：想念25天

浪迹08: The Extravagant Trip for the Sea, Sky and Trees - Nippon 14 days

浪迹08- The 3rd world countries

后记：想念24天

后记：想念23天

后记：想念32天 - 留给这世上我最爱的人

Christmas 2008：寂寞圣诞

后记：想念22天

后记：想念22天

后记：想念21天

后记：想念21天

后记：想念20天

Remembering BEYOND 黄家驹 1/4 - 多少次迎着冷眼与嘲笑从没有放弃过心中的理想

光辉岁月- 有BEYOND的歌伴我這輩子不寂寞